topic Re: Someone's Mum has been found in Community Spirit

Someone's Mum has been found

cherples — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 00:42:13 GMT

Hopefully her family want to find her too

Decades of living on the street and abuse at the hands of those she loved made Noeline McCarron wonder if she could keep going. Then someone offered her a helping hand.

Leaning on a floral-print umbrella like a cane, Noeline McCarron hobbles towards a couch and sits quietly.

She has a slight hunch in her back and leans forward as she sits.

In her left hand she's clasping onto a trucker hat. A tropical shower looms outside as dark clouds gather and she's come prepared.

Thongs expose her battered feet which peek out from the bottom of a long black dress.

Her skin is worn and she speaks slowly, punctuating her words with a husky, persistent cough.

At 53, specks of grey are starting to emerge through her thick brown hair which she keeps short.

Now 16 months sober, Noeline says her senses are coming back to her.

She can smell and taste again and is observing things she had never seen before. More importantly, her state of mind is the best it has ever been.

"I'm enjoying everything," she says. "Getting up without a hangover, looking around and seeing four walls. I'm doing something I can be proud of."

Noeline moved to Australia in 1981, migrating from the North Island of New Zealand.

She married soon after and started a family in Sydney's western suburbs with her husband.

But the relationship didn't last.

"Things just didn't work out," she says.

"It's hard for me to say but I had to abandon my children to get out of domestic violence.

"I just ended up roaming anywhere."

the story continues at

http://www.abc.net.au/local/stories/2013/03/09/3711884.htm?site=farnorth

Re: Someone's Mum has been found

the_hawk* — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 01:45:32 GMT

even if she had to abandon the kids to escape domestic violence which in the 1980s was not a hard thing to do with lots of help from center link and woman's shelter and advisory groups that were around then, it doesn't explain why she didn't do something with her life in the last 30 years.

Re: Someone's Mum has been found

the_hawk* — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 01:47:56 GMT

and in the 1980s they kept good records and with a name and birth date its not hard to trace someone.

Re: Someone's Mum has been found

cherples — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 04:38:43 GMT

Did you read the story?

I think not.

Re: Someone's Mum has been found

lionrose.7 — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 05:02:25 GMT

That is a very sad story, I hope the rest of her life, will be better

Re: Someone's Mum has been found

krazy.kiwi — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 05:47:01 GMT

even if she had to abandon the kids to escape domestic violence which in the 1980s was not a hard thing to do with lots of help from center link and woman's shelter and advisory groups that were around then, it doesn't explain why she didn't do something with her life in the last 30 years.

In hindsight that is probably correct, but not everyone can see their options at the time. Even now people can't get the help they need as they are not in the right headspace to be helped IYKWIM.

Re: Someone's Mum has been found

the_hawk* — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 06:17:52 GMT

Hi krazy my comments may be harsh as I don't know the person. it just seems strange, If it happened in the 50s or even the 60s I could understand

Re: Someone's Mum has been found

cherples — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 06:18:15 GMT

In hindsight that is probably correct, but not everyone can see their options at the time. Even now people can't get the help they need as they are not in the right headspace to be helped IYKWIM.

especially if they are already feeling worthless over the failed marriage and domestic violence.

beats me why the hawk even bothered to comment.

He seems so full of hatred.

I don't expect him to understand a woman escaping domestic violence. Nor did I expect him to comment at all. Those comments clearly highlight the lack of compassion for other people.

Re: Someone's Mum has been found

the_hawk* — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 06:22:57 GMT

I bother because I can, look around any one can post on a thread if they wish 😉

Re: Someone's Mum has been found

krazy.kiwi — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 06:25:54 GMT

Hi krazy my comments may be harsh as I don't know the person. it just seems strange, If it happened in the 50s or even the 60s I could understand

I realise that unless you have been in a bad place, it is difficult to understand why people in the bad places don't do something that seems obvious to you.

Unfortunately, I have been in a bad place and get it totally, my son is close to the line sometimes and it is all we can do to help him see his way out. Nothing has happened to him like it did to me, but he has an anxiety disorder.

I certainly didn't take offence, but thought you may want to know why these things still happen today. 🙂

Re: Someone's Mum has been found

the_hawk* — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 06:44:00 GMT

Thanks Krazy 🙂 I imagine she has a few issues that slipped through the cracks of the system.

I will bow out now

Re: Someone's Mum has been found

catsnknots — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 07:21:13 GMT

Hell would freeze over before I abandoned my kids...

Where did she leave the kids??

With the father??? With a foster family??

I have read the article but do not have time to listen to the audio so was curious if it said more than the text.

She had to abandon her kid because she was an alcoholic from what I can read...

Does she deserve a second chance with her children??? I don't know, I guess it depends on how the children feel. Does being a recovering alcoholic allow you more sympathy or expectations that your children will want to have a relationship with you??

No.. i don't think so..

Re: Someone's Mum has been found

azureline** — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 07:24:25 GMT

Some partners in a marriage are abusive to their partner but not their children. Some of the ones who abandon the children probably think they have no choice.

Re: Someone's Mum has been found

catsnknots — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 07:32:09 GMT

I realise that unless you have been in a bad place, it is difficult to understand why people in the bad places don't do something that seems obvious to you.

I did have an addiction... i did walk very close to this woman's footprints...

but when I had kids I made changes... it is my duty to do what is right because I was the adult...

What I don't understand is why people don't make the right choices..... but then again she probably did make the right choice in abandoning her children if she is an alcoholic.

Re: Someone's Mum has been found

krazy.kiwi — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 07:56:11 GMT

I did have an addiction... i did walk very close to this woman's footprints...

but when I had kids I made changes... it is my duty to do what is right because I was the adult...

What I don't understand is why people don't make the right choices..... but then again she probably did make the right choice in abandoning her children if she is an alcoholic.

One thing it took me (and a few friends) a long time to realise is that not everyone can or will react the same way in the same situation. I have given up trying to figure out why and just accept that it happened and that the person involved did what they did.

This lady has realised what she has lost and is trying to repair the damage done. I think she knows she can't undo anything, but I feel she wants closure - even if it is just to know her kids are OK in spite of how she treated them.

I think it's wonderful that she has had the help she needed (in the end) to turn her life around.

Re: Someone's Mum has been found

lionrose.7 — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 08:11:30 GMT

We can not judge this women because we don't know what she went through.

I can imagine being a victim of domestic violence may just want her to hit the bottle and try to forget.

A lot of victims are so beaten down they feel worthless and just walk away.

I saw one women whose husband had thrown her through a window, she ended up in a mental institution and used to sit cuddling a doll all day because she missed her children so much.

Heart breaking.

I feel sad for her and the children and hope they can see each other and be forgiving.

Re: Someone's Mum has been found

catsnknots — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 08:29:13 GMT

I don't judge this woman... I just don't get it...

Re: Someone's Mum has been found

bright.ton42 — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 10:01:42 GMT

Cats I'm truly surprised that you don't get it - you have such an understanding of

people who have or had mental/emotional problems and you usually show such compassion , I've always admired that from you.

I'm not saying you're not being compassionate but I just think we don't know the whole story - if she had a mental disorder and hit the bottle

then what hope was for her at the time? I'd say very little.

I just know what I read in the op too but I'd say there's much more to this than we know.

And the ability to make choices is not always possible for someone.

Re: Someone's Mum has been found

cherples — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 10:08:31 GMT

I did have an addiction... i did walk very close to this woman's footprints...

but when I had kids I made changes... it is my duty to do what is right because I was the adult...

What I don't understand is why people don't make the right choices..... but then again she probably did make the right choice in abandoning her children if she is an alcoholic.

She said she escaped because of domestic violence.

Who are we to doubt that?

She said she was so worthless and low she wanted to kill herself.

It surprises me that one who claims to understand mental illness can judge others so harshly.

Re: Someone's Mum has been found

cherples — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 10:12:30 GMT

.

I just know what I read in the op too but I'd say there's much more to this than we know.

And the ability to make choices is not always possible for someone.

The article went on to discuss how she moved from being homeless with no teeth to being able to get accommodation and start to recover.