topic Re: Entertaining Emails.! in Fun & Games

Entertaining Emails.!

ca04 — Thu, 02 Aug 2012 01:32:49 GMT

some of the emails circulating about are realy quite entertaining.

Share some of what you consider such and give us all a laugh.

Re: Entertaining Emails.!

ca04 — Thu, 02 Aug 2012 01:36:13 GMT

Only in Britain -Complaints to Local Councils

Extracts from letters written by council tenants:

1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3.. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

6.. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen...

10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.

Re: Entertaining Emails.!

ca04 — Thu, 02 Aug 2012 01:41:19 GMT

There is more to the email but it won't post maybe it is considered too coarse for our little well cultured minds? 🙂

Re: Entertaining Emails.!

twyngwyn — Mon, 06 Aug 2012 23:10:07 GMT

Five (5) lessons about the way we treat people

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor

Gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student

and had breezed through the questions until I read

The last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the

cleaning woman several times. She was tall,

dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question

blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if

the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely, " said the professor. "In your careers,

you will meet many people. All are significant. They

deserve your attention and care, even if all you do

is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her

name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p..m., an older African American

woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway

trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had

broken down and she desperately needed a ride.

Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car..

A young white man stopped to help her, generally

unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man

took her to safety, helped her get assistance and

put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his

address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a

knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a

giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A

special note was attached.

It read:

"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway

the other night. The rain drenched not only my

clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.

Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying

husband's' bedside just before he passed away... God

bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving

others."

Sincerely,

Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those
Who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,

A 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and

sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in

front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and

studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the

waitress was growing impatient.

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on

the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice

cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress

came back, she began to cry as she wiped down
the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,
were two nickels and five pennies..

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had

to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a

roadway.. Then he hid himself and watched to see if

anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the

King's' wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by

and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the

King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did

anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of

vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the

peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the

stone to the side of the road. After much pushing

and straining, he finally succeeded. After the

peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed

a purse lying in the road where the boulder had

been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note

from the King indicating that the gold was for the

person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The

peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve

our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a

hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who

was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only

chance of recovery appeared to be a blood

transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had

miraculously survived the same disease and had

developed the antibodies needed to combat the

illness. The doctor explained the situation to her

little brother, and asked the little boy if he would

be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a

deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will

save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed

next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing

the color returning to her cheek. Then his face

grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a

trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the

doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his

sister all of his blood in order to save her.

Re: Entertaining Emails.!

twyngwyn — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 07:22:20 GMT

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - PENSIONERS VERSION
The heat from the fire was comforting as the three electric bars glowed brightly in their metal cage. Nora peeked across the room over the rim of her Reader's Digest. Gerald was snoring lightly, with his half-moon spectacles balanced on the end of his nose, a thin ribbon of drool sliding down his chin onto the edge of his striped pyjamas. His half-read newspaper had fallen to the floor, and the cat had curled up on top of the unfinished cricket scores. She closed her book, turning over the corner of the page she had been reading so as not to lose the article on herbaceous borders, and placed it down next to her half drunk Horlicks. Nora slid out of her chair, and grabbed the armrest. Carefully kicking off her sheepskin slippers and, sliding her wheeled table out of the way, she hitched up her velvet dressing gown and padded towards him. She slid her hand under his pyjama top, rubbing his arm gently. He smacked his lips together, as though he could taste the cod in parsley sauce they had for supper. His eyes flickered open and he squinted at the light and the looming shadow in front of him. Gerald could see she wanted him to follow her. He took off his glasses and placed them on the coffee table as he rose out of his chair, his knees and back cracking as he straightened up. She reached forward and grabbed the long-shaft of his walking stick, gnarled and rough, and placed it in his hand. Nora began to negotiate the stairs, gripping the banister, the light from the landing highlighting grey roots in her blue rinse. Gerald could hardly wait to get to bed; he settled onto the green padded cushion of his Stannah stair lift and flicked the button, slowly ascending towards her waddling behind as she stumbled up the last two steps. Nora padded into the bathroom as Gerald sank down on the edge of the double divan. She returned after a few moments, passing Gerald a cold and cloudy glass of tap water into which he dropped his teeth with a quiet splash. She placed her own glass onto the bedside table and removed her top denture, dropping it into the glass and adding the cleaning tablet with a plop and a fizz. Gerald had already slid under the 15-tog duvet and was smoothing out the wrinkles on his V-pillow. Nora slipped her shoulders out of her gown and placed it next to the commode, then slid under the paisley polyester, her hand brushing Geralds as she fumbled for the TV remote. Gerald gripped the handrail as he slid open the drawer under the dimly lit touch lamp and pulled out a blister pack of Viagra, his face falling as he realised it was empty. He couldve sworn there were a couple left. Nora smiled to herself as she pressed the remote and the TV flickered into life on the opening credits of Question Time. She sank back into the memory foam pillow and her eyes glinted happily knowing that Gerald would not be able to get another doctors appointment until late next week and that the little blue pills dissolving in the U-bend of the toilet would be completely gone by the morning.

Re: Entertaining Emails.!

twyngwyn — Fri, 05 Oct 2012 01:02:32 GMT

iPhone 5 Parody

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNBP18nrRdw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Re: Entertaining Emails.!

twyngwyn — Sat, 13 Oct 2012 23:39:34 GMT

As we progress into 2012, I want to thank you for your educational e-mails
over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a restroom door without using a paper towel,
nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying
about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine
what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving
because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only
imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on
the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with
every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub
full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern , I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,
so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes
seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water
in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring
me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a
needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug
me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to
Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ...

Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a
big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant
death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a
dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed
there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the
Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in
the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land
on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the
fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you
to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s
ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's
beautician!

Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study,
has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity
read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because
I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet...

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A REAL GOOD DAY

Re: Entertaining Emails.!

twyngwyn — Sat, 20 Oct 2012 05:41:17 GMT

After a very busy, tiring day at the office, the young woman settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed the station. As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:

“Hi sweetheart, it’s Eric, I’m on the train – yes, I know it’s the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting – no, honey, not with that floozy from the accounts office, with the boss. No sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life – yes, I’m sure, cross my heart,” etc., etc.

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly, when the woman sitting next to him, who was obviously annoyed by his continuous loud blabbing, yelled

”Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off, and come back to bed!”

Eric doesn’t use his cell phone in public any longer.

Re: Entertaining Emails.!

twyngwyn — Wed, 24 Oct 2012 01:52:31 GMT

WE WAS BRUNG UP PROPER!!! "And we never had a whole Mars bar until 1993"!!!
CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY WHO WERE BORN IN THE1940's, 50's, and 60's
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank Sherry while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos...
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, bread and dripping, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.
Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds, KFC, Subway or Nandos.
Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on a Sunday, somehow we didn't starve to death!
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gobstoppers and Bubble Gum.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter, milk from the cow, and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because...... WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O..K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii , X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY , no video/dvd films, or colour TV, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no Lawsuits from these accidents.
Only girls had pierced ears!
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time....
We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays,
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!
Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet because we didn't need to keep up with the Jones's!
Not everyone made the rugby/football/cricket/netball team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Getting into the team was based on MERIT
Our teachers used to hit us with canes and gym shoes and throw the blackboard rubber at us if they thought we weren't concentrating...
We can string sentences together and spell and have proper conversations because of a good, solid three R's education.
Our parents would tell us to ask a stranger to help us cross the road.
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade' and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla'
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL !
And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
PS -The big type is because your eyes are not too good at your age anymore!

Re: Entertaining Emails.!

kopenhagen5 — Wed, 24 Oct 2012 02:54:40 GMT

Fly with eagles.

http://www.youtube.com/v/pd5BMP_41bI%26rel=0%26hl=en_US%26feature=player_embedded%26version=3

Re: Entertaining Emails.!

twyngwyn — Tue, 30 Oct 2012 01:10:24 GMT

A guy asked a girl in a library; “Do you mind if I sit beside you”?

The girl answered with a loud voice;
I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!

All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and she told him
“I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?”

The guy responded with a loud voice:
"$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT’S TOO MUCH!!!

And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears;
“I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty"

Re: Entertaining Emails.!

twyngwyn — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 22:29:57 GMT

Rare footage of Australian Federal Treasurer, Wayne Swan's childhood has recently surfaced...

http://i.imgur.com/XaiUx.gif

Re: Entertaining Emails.!

twyngwyn — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 06:13:44 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18-xvIjH8T4

Re: Entertaining Emails.!

twyngwyn — Fri, 30 Nov 2012 08:39:04 GMT

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!”

She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Sorted! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way.'

Re: Entertaining Emails.!

twyngwyn — Fri, 30 Nov 2012 08:57:12 GMT

4commerci...wmv Download(6.4 MB)

Re: Entertaining Emails.!

twyngwyn — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 01:32:16 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkHNNPM7pJA

The digital story of the nativity....

Re: Entertaining Emails.!

twyngwyn — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 06:36:15 GMT

http://io9.com/watch-what-happens-when-you-wring-out-a-washcloth-in-sp-476159356

water in space

Re: Entertaining Emails.!

twyngwyn — Mon, 15 Jul 2013 23:11:55 GMT

https://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=A6XUVjK9W4o

extreme sports

Re: Entertaining Emails.!

twyngwyn — Tue, 23 Jul 2013 02:37:18 GMT

the ocean - beautiful!!

http://www.youtube.com/embed/mcbHKAWIk3I

Re: Entertaining Emails.!

twyngwyn — Sun, 15 Feb 2015 05:44:08 GMT

This has got to be one of the cleverest
E-mails I've received in a while.
Someone out there
Must be "deadly" at Scrabble..
(Wait till you see the last one)!

PRESBYTERIAN :
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Bet your friends haven't seen this one!!!
DON'T FORGET TO SHARE THIS