Thank you everyone for you kind support.

When I first read this thread,  I  posted a reply saying that I would have to consider if I can reply.

I had only returned to the boards recently and a thread pops up that seems a bit out of the norm. It impacts me and need to consider if I am able to reply. 

Then I remembered something my wife has said to me many times.

If something out of the ordinary lands in front of you, not to ignore it.  There is often a reason why it has happened and you might only have one chance to grasp it. I grabbed it and began typing my reply.

Trav

( and a wave to the lady from the South Pole or is it Canada)

Nicnacs I understand what you are saying and have been hesitant in posting a reply, questioning myself if it would be a good thing for me to do, or not.
I hope to keep my reply as brief as I can, yet still be able to give some insight into my own personal experience/s.

I haven’t watched Tv news or looked at a newspaper for years. I rarely watch any Tv and have no interest in the programs Tv has to offer.
I do read some online news occasionally because I can choose what I want to read and what to avoid. I also avoid some topics of conversation to protect myself from being “triggered” and the topic you have raised, I think, fringes on ones I try to avoid.

I had 5 sons and age difference from the youngest to the eldest was less than 14 years. The youngest now being in his early 30s.
For almost 15 years, myself and family have had to endure some difficult times.
We have suffered the loss of 2 sons, one from a motor vehicle accident, and the other where no cause of death could be found. In between the above events another son was involved in serious incident.

When we lost our first son we were notified by the cops when they knocked on our door early one evening . He was riding his motor bike and another vehicle hit him. He was an innocent victim. It was a crushing blow. Over the next week there were many things that had to done, some unpleasant. Within a week I was broken, and there was still more to do, the Funeral etc etc and so on. When things began to quiet down the magnitude of the entire event hit me, and hard. Any alone time I could get I would fall to pieces, there were times when all the horrible emotions seemed to hit all at once, and with so many it was impossible to function. It took 3 or 4 years to get some normality back into my life.

The next event, also involved the cops. One of sons was involved in a carjacking. He had been attacked at night while stopped at traffic lights by a couple of lowlifes. They took the car and and my boy was in hospital. My wife and I went to the hospital and when I saw what they had done to my son I exploded.

As the days went by I found out more about what had happened. Despite his injuries he was able to make his way (and from my memory) to bottle shop or something similar for assistance.
For me the entire event also opened the wounds I had from when we had lost our son, and again I had a hard time functioning. As my son improved, I also started to improve. He recovered from the physical injuries but I think there must be emotional scars from what had happened.
I know, I have lots of them from this event and the previous one.

A few years back, more cops come to our home. We knew it was going to be bad news because that is the only time they ever come. Before they had a chance to say anything my wife starts yelling at them (with lots of swearing) She didn’t want introductions, what station they were from etc. All she wanted was for them to tell her “which one” I cannot find any word or words that can describe the emotion I suddenly felt when I heard those two words. She didnt want any B/S all she wanted to know was “which one”. I do remember saying to myself over and over and over “please no, please no” Then one of the cops said a name. We had lost another son.

All the wounds of the past spilt open and it happened to everyone in my family.
The only way I can describe it is: It was like every bad emotion I had felt from the past came rushing out and became so intertwined with each other they converged in one huge ball of one terrible emotion.
It consumed me at a rapid pace. I felt so helpless, there was nothing I could do to take away the pain of what my wife and boys were going through. There were times I could not bare to look at my wife because I could see her pain, the hurt, loss etc. As we went on things at home were not good, we were not fighting but we were on different paths and were not communicating very well. My wife and I agreed that a separation might be best. The last thing we wanted was to end up in a nasty split as it often does.
Its be over a year since we separated, we are in regular contact and catch up often.
I keep in contact with the boys and are hoping to catch up with them  towards the end of the month and next month.
I was seeing a councillor for a while and stopped going. I was unable to put into words what I was actually feeling.
I think I know myself better that anyone and I needed to take control of myself. I fell into isolation, and when I became aware of it, I went with it. I said to people I need time out and for them stop asking me how I am going. Being asked that, was a constant reminder of things and wasn’t helping me at all.
I am on the improve but I do have a long way to go. I am getting better at identifying my emotions and instead of fighting them I try and let them run their course and they can be painful at times. I am still in some isolation mode but I am not in a hurry to find some normality in my life and wont be rushing things.

Finally there are two things I need to add.
In writing this I have had some moments and it has been a struggle for me to continue with the reply.
More importantly, I hope my reply does not “trigger” anyone or cause anyone grief. In is not my intention  to do so. If it does, please let me know I will report it to the moderators and ask that it be removed.

Trav

Don't over watch the news then.

I hardly watch any TV now but I do see the news headlines.

I have a sister in law who has been very down with depression.

I'll  say what I told her.

I quite honestly doubt that times and people are any worse than they have ever been.

You've only got to read history to realise that. Even last century, the second world war could hardly be called an easier era.

There are a few different things in the mix nowadays.

They are-instant news.  Media everywhere in our lives now, much more than in previous times.

More people.

Bigger consequences. Back in the day, people only had to worry about the atomic bomb and even through WW2, they didn't have to worry about that as most didn't even know about it.

Don't let murders and such worry you overly much-or not in the sense of fearing we are 'more violent' than any other era. Violent behaviour has unfortunately always been with us and the prevalence of drugs and such in our society hasn't helped any.

If you look around you though, you'll see signs that in some ways, we are better than past eras. 

Just say someone is involved in a bad car crash. You'll see strangers ring for an ambulance which will arrive (again, with strangers) and the injured person will be carted off to hospital to be attended by medical staff (strangers again). Pretty amazing, when you think about it.

Or just say you are unable to work or very elderly with no savings. You will get a pension or disability payment to help you survive. That's pretty amazing too, compared to past centuries. So society isn't all gloom and doom but evil will always be with us too. It's part and parcel of human life, always has been.

Great post, and I completely agree, but bad news and horrible murders, even of innocent children, are sadly not new. Some of the most horrible murders of children were committed by a UK couple in the 60s. I won't give you any further details of course. News can indeed be very upsetting. I only read headlines these days, just to have an idea of what is going on... I don't think that it is necessary to read the whole article if you know details are going to upset you.

Hi Nics

You are a sensitive soul and need to modify your reading/viewing so as not to be brought down by things over which you have little control.  That applies to social media as well so be selective about the sort of places you 'visit'

As we get older I suspect many of us feel the same way as you - recognising our own mortality as well.  Make the most of time with your daughters and your grandies - you are special to them too ..... don't forget that.

Someone suggested stopping and smelling the roses - you have so many in your lovely garden too 🙂

Thank you for being so open in creating this thread - hopefully it will help others who may be feeling the same.

Hi Nicnacs,

I read your post at least 45 mins ago and since then have been asking myself if I am able to reply.

It is something I need to carefully consider before doing so, which prompted me to send this short reply.

Trav

I can totally understand where you are coming from nicnacs_4u. IMO the media  are in charge of the content and context of 'news' communicated to Australians. But much depends on which news services people pay attention to. I have learned who to avoid because of their agenda, bias and intentions. I used to get very upset with all the ugliness and evil in the world. It occurred to me that I couldn't do anything about 95% of the problems, which made me more unhappy. But the reality is that most people pay more attention to bad things than good things in the media. Happy stories seldom sell newspapers or gain a TV audience. So for me the best solution is to view and read in moderation, and choose who we pay attention to wisely.

Always keep in mind that the news focusses on sensationalism and negatives sell.

For every bad news story there are thousands of good stories, but they don't gain interest.

And I'm still here, how good is that ?  

Oh, we are also less likely to die in a car crash or workplace accident. One are where deaths ARE rising is drug overdoses. This is not just street drugs but also addictive drugs prescribed by doctors!

So the good news is that ( in rich countries at least)  homicide rates and general crimes rates have been steadily declining for decades. The bad news is twofold. Firstly newsthat provokes a strong emotional reaction sells- and that is the bad stuff. And we are told about the bad stuff regardless of where in the world it occurred!

Secondly, we are more likely to remember the stuff that provokes a strong emotional reaction, so things SEEM worse than they actually are.

The antidote is like Countess says, you need to take time out to focus on the good things. Remember there will always be 🌹-smell them!

nicnacs, I feel as though human beings are falling into worse states now than ever before. Like you, I’m affected by the horrors reported in the news: so many instances of unimaginable cruelty and evil.

I’ll keep on following the news, but sometimes I take a deep breath… sometimes I’ll be brought to tears… and sometimes I will try to restore my balance by listening to music or seeking a moment of solitude and contemplation.

One thing that never fails to be a challenge for my equanimity is when a drug-fuelled rampage or act of criminal behaviour is deemed by the court to be mitigated by the fact that the perpetrator had chosen to bomb himself out of his mind with drugs or alcohol or both. I regard that as an aggravating factor, not a mitigating one.

But… I’ll get off my soapbox.