topic Re: How do you get rid of anger? in Community Spirit

How do you get rid of anger?

happyroo_bunji — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 09:31:32 GMT

especially when its over someone's behaviour and you can't confront them because it would cause an irrepairable rift in the family?

Re: How do you get rid of anger?

the_great_she_elephant — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 09:45:59 GMT

Write that person a long letter telling them exactly what you think of them - then tear it up. You'd be surprised how much better you feel afterwards.

Re: How do you get rid of anger?

happyroo_bunji — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 09:51:07 GMT

Thanks she_ele

Re: How do you get rid of anger?

*pepe — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 09:58:17 GMT

slipm a few laxette chockies into their easter goodies.

its hard to be angry when you are laughing 😉

Re: How do you get rid of anger?

poddster — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 10:01:34 GMT

Anger is a negative emotion and a total waste of time.

If there is an issue then address it to the best of your ability.

It the issue can not be addressed, stressing over it or getting angry is a waste of time and energy.

Re: How do you get rid of anger?

**meep** — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 10:06:22 GMT

How do you get rid of anger?

especially when its over someone's behaviour and you can't confront them because it would cause an irrepairable rift in the family?

get a perspective

Re: How do you get rid of anger?

purple_haize — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 10:13:47 GMT

Write that person a long letter telling them exactly what you think of them - then tear it up. You'd be surprised how much better you feel afterwards.

Agree with this, it does work.

Re: How do you get rid of anger?

azureline** — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 10:14:24 GMT

I think it happens eventually of it's own accord? I have had a similar thing with an inlaw relative..... I finally realised that nothing I do or say will change her behaviour and I am just making myself nuts by caring what she says or does.

Re: How do you get rid of anger?

happyroo_bunji — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 11:05:18 GMT

I think it happens eventually of it's own accord? I have had a similar thing with an inlaw relative..... I finally realised that nothing I do or say will change her behaviour and I am just making myself nuts by caring what she says or does.

I really hope so azureline. Its hard when I can see how it affects people that I dearly love

Re: How do you get rid of anger?

happyroo_bunji — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 11:06:21 GMT

thankyou everyone

Re: How do you get rid of anger?

bella_again — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 11:24:01 GMT

Its hard happy but what Azure said. From my own experience I know you come to a point where you can't change a persons behavior and you can't control what they do. All you can do sometimes is recognise their limitations how it impacts you/family and move on.

What she ele said is a great release, just letting it out writing it down or doing what works for you really helps.

Hope you have some peace over it all.

Re: How do you get rid of anger?

happyroo_bunji — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 11:27:19 GMT

thanks bella

Re: How do you get rid of anger?

moonlyte — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 11:41:05 GMT

If you are feeling negative emotions, be it anger, anxiety, worry or stress - about someone, an event or situation - then become aware of your thoughts as they revolve around the person, event or situation. Become aware of the repetitive thoughts blaming, judging, accusing, criticising the person, event or situation, circling around and around in your head.

When become aware of your thoughts, you step out of thinking, and the thoughts can't take you over. Awareness draw consciousness away from thinking, and thinking quickly subsides, and all that is left is stillness and peace. Just like a fish can't be aware of the ocean if it is submerged in it - it can only be aware of the ocean of it is out of the water - you need to step out of thinking so that you can see that it(the negative thoughts) are happening.

But don't try to interpret, label, or judge the negative thoughts - this will only draw you into more thinking, and you will be taken over even more. Allow the thoughts to be there - by allowing them, you accept that they are there - and with acceptance, there is no more internal resistance to the situation, and there is peace. Internal resistance is what causes suffering - it is the friction caused by being unaligned with life - and the suffering is the heat that is generated from this friction with life.

Re: How do you get rid of anger?

katydidthat — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 20:22:59 GMT

Many years ago, I was in a relationship where we both took very negative things home and talked about them in what, I came to realise, was a negative way. We both focused on the bad things and became angrier. I got to the point where I was fed up with this and looked for a better way. I decided that when I was angry, I would ask myself if I would still be angry this time next week. Then I asked myself if I would even remember the event that made me angry this time next week. If the answer to both questions was "no", then I let the anger go. For me, this was a positive way to lose the anger.

Sometimes, though, anger is a positive thing and gives us the motivation to change things, where we can. So, channelling the anger can help.

In terms of family ... I have few close relatives alive now. One made some totally inappropriate comments a few years back. I cut off contact. Sometimes, I think, there is no other way to deal with things.

But, it's all individual. What's right for some is wrong for others ... we all need to find a solution that's good for us.

Re: How do you get rid of anger?

happyroo_bunji — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 22:26:40 GMT

thankyou moonlight and katy.

Its a tricky situation, which I will have to work through and come up with some strategies to deal with it.

I have appreciated everyones advice, :-x

Re: How do you get rid of anger?

mtnlane — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 03:21:06 GMT

Start a thread on Community Spirit - not sure the end result will make you feel better though 😮

Re: How do you get rid of anger?

bright.ton42 — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 03:34:30 GMT

If I'm feeling really angry with someone and don't know how to deal with

that person I write it all out, but I keep it. I write out all my feelings and

sometimes am surprised to find out that there is fear there too.

And then I offer myself solutions - all the choices I have to deal with this.

Sometimes there's nothing to be done but the venting helps me

a lot and then I re-read it some time later and often find the problem has

been solved and I'm not angry anymore at that person.

Or - the problem hasn't been solved but I myself have changed the

way I'm looking at this and am able to distance myself emotionally. .

Re: How do you get rid of anger?

happyroo_bunji — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 04:31:49 GMT

Start a thread on Community Spirit - not sure the end result will make you feel better though 😮

oh jeepers no I couldn't share the specifics of the problem. There are a few people who know me personally and it would get back to the people that I don't want it to

Re: How do you get rid of anger?

azureline** — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 05:06:59 GMT

My situation resolved itself...... today :^O

My in law relative did something/said lots, to make me really upset with her...(not to me or about me) to the point I said to myself and my OH "that's it, no more of me being nice in the face of so much stupidity and nastiness, 40 years is long enough" and I decided she no longer gets any attention from me. 🙂

Re: How do you get rid of anger?

happyroo_bunji — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 06:04:05 GMT

OMG 40 years? 😮

I've only had to put up with this for two years