topic Re: Dividing cremains in Community Spirit

Dividing cremains

*elizabeths-mum* — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 21:01:21 GMT

I had never heard of people dividing the ashes of a loved one up until my FIL died 5 years ago.

Do many people do it and what sorts of reasons? I can see it happening more often in cases of divorce and remarriage with two families each wanting some which made me wonder would all the part cremain holders inter them with a plaque?

Re: Dividing cremains

sandypas — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 21:14:55 GMT

A friends mum died and she was originally from Scotland. Most of her ashes were kept here but a small amount were taken back to her birth country.

Re: Dividing cremains

twinkles**stars — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 21:43:00 GMT

I knew of a woman who lost her daughter in a car crash .....she would often open the container of ashes and rub her hands through it 😞 She sent small amounts to the girls friends....they didn't want them but this woman couldn't accept that. Odd.

Re: Dividing cremains

no_tv*10 — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 21:55:46 GMT

We lost our 20 month old a year ago this weekend and her 'fairy dust' as our other kids call it will be put inside jewellery so she can be with all of them on their future travels. The make lockets, pendants and watches etc. It's a nice way for some to always feel closer to their loved one. My mother is suffering terminal cancer and has always wanted to be buried. After seeing what we have done with our bub, she now wants to be cremated. She hopes our other children will take her with them too. It makes her feel like she will have a chance to all the things she never got to do. Makes the thought of dying a little bit easier for her.

Re: Dividing cremains

b3llag1na — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 23:11:15 GMT

A friends son committed suicide and his remains were divided up - some were delivered to a place that he had travelled to with his Dad years before (to be scattered), and had often told his family that was the happiest time in his life.

IMHO, I don't think there is a right or a wrong about this, as long as no one does things to deliberatley upset others.

Re: Dividing cremains

purple_haize — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 23:13:19 GMT

When my son died, I asked the funeral place to give a quarter of his ashes to the girl he was engaged to, so she could keep some of him & she was happy with that.

I think these days, it is done for many reasons.

Re: Dividing cremains

*crikey*mate* — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 00:16:30 GMT

I "inherited" some. I didn't want them. I'm glad he's dead. I went to his funeral to make sure he was dead.

Why did he leave them to me? Probably so he got the last laugh to let me know I couldn't even get him out of my life when he was dead.

My OH won't let me discard them in case I regret it if I ever stop being angry.

They're in a box wrapped in brown paper with the name written on them in black texta. (That's how I got them)

For now, at least, that's as gracious as I am able to be.

So no, not all part cremain holders inter them with a plaque.

Re: Dividing cremains

j*oono — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 01:33:39 GMT

Was that like a facebook sigh?

Rightyho then. Who was he, what did he do to you and why are you angry.

Re: Dividing cremains

kennedia_nigricans — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 02:07:46 GMT

@crikey*mate wrote:
I "inherited" some. I didn't want them. I'm glad he's dead. I went to his funeral to make sure he was dead.

Why did he leave them to me? Probably so he got the last laugh to let me know I couldn't even get him out of my life when he was dead.

My OH won't let me discard them in case I regret it if I ever stop being angry.

They're in a box wrapped in brown paper with the name written on them in black texta. (That's how I got them)

For now, at least, that's as gracious as I am able to be.

So no, not all part cremain holders inter them with a plaque.

if you mix it with the cat litter you think the anger might turn into a triumphant feeling of deep satisfaction?

i will leave my body to science. after they took all the spare parts that are still good they can let medical students practise on the rest. they have to practise on something, and the more bodies they get, the fresher they can be used and don't have to be re-used over months by many students. i think it makes a difference if a student can practise on a fresh, untouched part instead of dissecting a year old piece that has been dissected by other students before cos there aren't enough fresh bodies.

Re: Dividing cremains

the_great_she_elephant — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 02:23:50 GMT

. I have absolutely no interest at all in what happens to my remains. Leaving my body to science would seem a useful way of disposing of it once I've finished with it, but if my family aren't happy with that then Ill leave it entirely up to them to decide what would bring them the most comfort.

Call me callous if you like, but keeping the ashes of a person one vehemently disliked seems to me an absurdly morbid and masochistic practice.

Re: Dividing cremains

j*oono — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 02:30:19 GMT

Science may not want your body, and this is in no way aimed at you She_el or Kennedia.

They have criteria and if your body doesn't meet the criteria they are looking for at the time then they won't take you.

I do not like the idea of keeping a persons ashes no matter how much I loved them and to me the idea of dividing the ashes up, well I'm a bit shocked.

Re: Dividing cremains

kennedia_nigricans — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 02:33:42 GMT

if they don't want my body i would be happy with the bin.

it's not as if i would come back and need it again.

Re: Dividing cremains

the_great_she_elephant — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 02:53:36 GMT

Science may not want your body, and this is in no way aimed at you She_el or Kennedia.

You are quite right, Joono. And if they don't, then I'm with Kennedia; as far as I'm concerned they can dump it in the bin LOL.

Seriously though, the point I am trying to make is that I find he idea of laying down instructions for one's funeral or the disposal of ones body utterly pointless.

As an atheist I believe that once I die I will simply cease to exist. I certainly won't be hovering in the background taking offence or coming back to haunt anyone who failed to respect my wishes. And even if I believed in an afterlife I would not expect to be floating around in the crematorium observing my own funeral.

Re: Dividing cremains

*crikey*mate* — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 02:56:28 GMT

@the_great_she_elephant wrote:
. I have absolutely no interest at all in what happens to my remains. Leaving my body to science would seem a useful way of disposing of it once I've finished with it, but if my family aren't happy with that then Ill leave it entirely up to them to decide what would bring them the most comfort.

Call me callous if you like, but keeping the ashes of a person one vehemently disliked seems to me an absurdly morbid and masochistic practice.

I agree, however my OH doesn't. He's still alive and I like him, so I try to keep him happy when I can.

Re: Dividing cremains

azureline** — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 02:59:54 GMT

An in law's rellie was cremated, asked for her ashes to be taken or sent to the UK for burial with her late husband.................. all went ok but the elderly rellie who received them in the UK, said it was too much trouble so she buried them with her own husband....

I would not be able to divvy them up...... I wouldn't bury parts of a body in different places. (but that is just me)

Re: Dividing cremains

happyroo_bunji — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 03:29:40 GMT

I have kept the ashes of my first dog.

I can understand why some people would want a part of thier dearly beloved. But I don't believe in forcing someone to have them if they don't want them.

crikey I don't understand why you didn't just dispose of the ashes if you don't want them? I'd be telling the husband to butt out!

Re: Dividing cremains

happyroo_bunji — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 03:32:25 GMT

@no_tv*10 wrote:
We lost our 20 month old a year ago this weekend and her 'fairy dust' as our other kids call it will be put inside jewellery so she can be with all of them on their future travels. The make lockets, pendants and watches etc. It's a nice way for some to always feel closer to their loved one. My mother is suffering terminal cancer and has always wanted to be buried. After seeing what we have done with our bub, she now wants to be cremated. She hopes our other children will take her with them too. It makes her feel like she will have a chance to all the things she never got to do. Makes the thought of dying a little bit easier for her.

no_tv*10 I am sorry for your loss. I love the term 'fairy dust', so much nicer than ashes or cremains (never heard of the term cremains until today).

Re: Dividing cremains

the_great_she_elephant — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 05:19:55 GMT

@no_tv*10 wrote:
We lost our 20 month old a year ago this weekend and her 'fairy dust' as our other kids call it will be put inside jewellery so she can be with all of them on their future travels. The make lockets, pendants and watches etc. It's a nice way for some to always feel closer to their loved one. My mother is suffering terminal cancer and has always wanted to be buried. After seeing what we have done with our bub, she now wants to be cremated. She hopes our other children will take her with them too. It makes her feel like she will have a chance to all the things she never got to do. Makes the thought of dying a little bit easier for her.

(((hugs))) no-tv, I do hope my posts haven't sounded critical or insensitive to your situation

.I have been there myself - many years ago - and it is the emptiest, loneliest, most painful and physically draining place in the world. I wish I could say something wise and comforting that would ease your pain just a little, but there are no words. My heart goes out to you.

Re: Dividing cremains

*elizabeths-mum* — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 05:35:39 GMT

Thank you for so many varied replies. I thought it a bit icky when I first heard of it, and on reading a little could understand why people might need to divide them in some circumstances but now appreciate how meaningful they are and important that family should be able to share them.

Re: Dividing cremains

bright.ton42 — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 07:05:46 GMT

I can see that it's a very personal thing for each family. My mum made it very clear that she wanted to be cremated

and we children were glad that she did make it clear to us. like that.

Oddly enough when the ashes were ready and I picked them up my brother didn't want them. He adored

mum but couldn't face the ashes, so I kept them until I finally disposed of them in an appropriate way.