topic Re: Adults with Autism in Community Spirit

Adults with Autism

grandmoon — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 02:58:25 GMT

Am I expecting too much from an adult who has autism to speak politely to people.

eg: When she come to one of our volunteers and says in an aggressive manner "Get me a cup of coffee" very a please or thank you.

Re: Adults with Autism

azureline** — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 03:07:03 GMT

Expectations are one thing, reality another. I suppose it depends on her condition and abilities.

Re: Adults with Autism

grandmoon — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 03:12:33 GMT

I am not sure what her problems are but she has told us that she suffers with autism amoungest other health problems.

Re: Adults with Autism

azureline** — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 03:17:21 GMT

If she is an independant adult, then I would suggest you remind her she needs to be polite..... or get her own coffee.

Re: Adults with Autism

catsnknots — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 03:18:48 GMT

she needs to learn that she either speaks politiely or is not welcome. No one needs to put up with disrespect just because they are serving people with a disability.

Pull her aside and privatley tell her how you expect her to ask for something.. ask her to repeat it politely for you so that you know she knows how to ask. Tell her that is how she is to ask for anything in the future because asking the other way makes others feel upset and that is not right.

Chances are that her parents just gave in to her demands and didn't even realise what was going on and what they taught her.

Please and thank you's are very hard for my son but he manages it with some gentle reminding.

Re: Adults with Autism

*elizabeths-mum* — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 03:38:54 GMT

The first autistic adult I came across professionally was a lovely polite man. The only time he ever lost it was when rituals and obsessions were upset. He was mildly intellectually disabled as well and this was over 30 years ago when behavioural expectations were higher and autism was less well known so people wouldn't accept rudeness as easily as we do today.

Re: Adults with Autism

grandmoon — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 03:39:08 GMT

Now I need to work out how to speak to her so she understands. She at times is very articulate.

Re: Adults with Autism

azureline** — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 03:43:16 GMT

@grandmoon wrote:
Now I need to work out how to speak to her so she understands. She at times is very articulate.

Just as you would speak to anyone else.

Re: Adults with Autism

shoptilludroptara — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 04:07:02 GMT

coming from someone who has an autistic child(adult now)and 1 still young child

i would speak to the parents first

and explain the situation

no all autistic people are the same their are different ranges and types

and if you dont phrase it correctly it can be taken the wrong way by some with autism

please speak to the parents first if that doesnt work then speak to someone who is trained

to work with autistic people with different ranges

and no is not the way you would speak to just anyone else

you need to remember they have in laymans term a click in the brain(easy explanation)its so much more

and phrasing is so important.also if you want them to do something(break it down)

they might not take to much in at once depending on the individual

like::

1::can you please take this blue pen out of my hand

2:now can you please put the blue pen in your hand on your desk

this i have found works wonders

tara

Re: Adults with Autism

grandmoon — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 04:14:45 GMT

Unfortunately her parents are deceased. She is her middle aged

Re: Adults with Autism

shoptilludroptara — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 04:22:42 GMT

hi ok that makes it more difficult

does she have a carer or is she totally on her own

if a carer speak to them

if not try my suggestion of breaking it down for her(in private not in front of others and have another helper with you)

not just saying the whole lot in one go

make sure she is getting each thing you say to her

and it might be a good idea and re-inforce it each time she come(doing it the same way)

i know it can be time consuming and you probarly have others to see too

but it needs to be an ongoing process or it can just flit out of their heads

if its not something of total interest to them

losts of autistic people do not have any empathy nor get it

they dont grasp feelings,sayings,jokes and things like like

tara

Re: Adults with Autism

azureline** — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 04:31:02 GMT

They do have empathy, usually they just don't know how to express it. IMO

Re: Adults with Autism

catsnknots — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 04:40:02 GMT

Yes.. they do have empathy... 100%... at all times...

they don't know what to do with that information, or don't care about that information, or they don't realise the importance of those feelings, they may not have been taught how to express their feelings.... they may have been taught but still don't express it how we think they should

lots of reasons why they don't react like we do when we have a sense of empathy.

Re: Adults with Autism

*crikey*mate* — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 04:42:47 GMT

some have empathy, others aren't aware of the feelings and don't know what they are or how to express them for themselves far less recognize a need in others.

Grandmoon, Tara's on the money.

small one step instructions.

"say please when you ask for something is actually a LOT of instructions and often they need to practise following each step of the instruction and breaking it down.

Practise role playing with her - show her what is expected and let her practise in a safe environment.

draw picture boards too

Show and play out the different scenarios ie the likely response when she says please and how it makes others feel and what their reactions are if they don't.

they're often in a world of thier own and cannot understand the role that oher people play in their lives. It's not being selfish, they just don't understand any better. They just know that they need their needs to be met.

also tara hit on thius, at times of anxiety etc, they may forget what they're supposed to do, even if they have been taught and practised heaps/ They don't do this on purpose, it's just if they get overwhelmed or anxious other stuff kind of gets more focused.

Re: Adults with Autism

shoptilludroptara — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 04:54:33 GMT

hi crikey

yes you are right with the empathy they may or may not have it

both my children do not have it

was diagnosed everytime as having none

not just having it and not knowing what to do with it or not recognising it

also the pictures are a great idea i did them all the time with my 2 when younger

if this lady is in her mid age.maybe she didnt have this used with her and it will help alot

sorry if i seem a little over the top on this subject

but its a condition that is very close to the heart of my family

and i feel for others who have this condition or are family members dealing with this condition

been with us for over 21 years now so i can be a little bit pushy or blunt

so forgive me if i have offended any other posters

tara

Re: Adults with Autism

izabsmiling — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 05:00:30 GMT

I don't mean to be rude ...I am just wondering why it seems as though all people with autism are in the same box ...ie;they do or they don't have empathy ? 'they' meaning people with autism

Is empathy something that every person has ?

Re: Adults with Autism

*elizabeths-mum* — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 05:01:16 GMT

People with antisocial personality disorder lack empathy (psychopaths)

Re: Adults with Autism

catsnknots — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 05:10:49 GMT

I am not offended at all...I too am very passionate on the subject. I also have a child with ASD. I have been told by many professionals that they all have empathy. To say a person does not have empathy is actually saying that they are psychopaths, people with autism are not psychopaths. I took particular interest in this particular topic as I felt that was where my son was mostly lacking.

this gets onto Theory of Mind and other "theories" that denote human nature.

What we judge them on are our non ASD brain models and that is wrong... they need to be judged on their ASD brain

Two very good reads on the subject and the second link actually has a reply from Tony Attwood to a letter he sent.

http://www.autismandempathy.com/?p=374

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt139123.html

two quotes from some of my fave pages about myths.

MYTH: “Children with autistic spectrum disorders cannot empathize with others; they do not have “theory of mind” capacities.”

FACT: When working with a relationship-based affect approach tailored to the child’s individual differences, as a child’s language and cognitive abilities improve, so do his theory of mind and his ability to empathize. The children who have done very well following a DIR/Floortime treatment program are very capable of high levels of theory of mind (the ability to understand that other people have independent minds of their own, which allows a child to think about other people’s perspectives, as well as his own),and high levels of empathy. In fact, we have a subgroup of children originally diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorders, many of whom are described by parents and teachers as having probably a little better empathy than their age peers who never had developmental challenges in the first place. They are highly warm, empathetic, caring individuals with friends and they are also doing well academically. This is only for a subgroup, but it is a significant subgroup. It shows what is possible with the proper program.

11 Myths about Autism

People with autism can't understand the emotions of others.

Autism often affects an individual's ability to understand unspoken interpersonal communication, so someone with autism might not detect sadness based solely on one's body language or sarcasm in one's tone of voice. But, when emotions are communicated more directly, people with autism are much more likely to feel empathy and compassion for others.

Re: Adults with Autism

azureline** — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 05:10:59 GMT

It is called a spectrum for a reason.

Re: Adults with Autism

twinkles**stars — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 05:11:24 GMT

@grandmoon wrote:
Am I expecting too much from an adult who has autism to speak politely to people.

eg: When she come to one of our volunteers and says in an aggressive manner "Get me a cup of coffee" very a please or thank you.

Did this adult woman tell you she is autistic? Or is that your assumption?