topic Re: He's a silly boy in Community Spirit

He's a silly boy

lurker17260 — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 00:04:53 GMT

I've just found out my son has broken up with his girlfriend of about 2 years. So sad. I really thought this one was a keeper. I know he's an adult and has to make his own choices and there is nothing I can or should do, but, they seemed so happy and well suited to each other.

You only ever want them to be happy don't you.

Re: He's a silly boy

freddie*rooster — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 00:08:31 GMT

Awww that's sad Lurker, was she a nice girl, did you get on well with her?

Maybe they just had a tiff and will realize they can't be apart.

Re: He's a silly boy

lurker17260 — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 00:17:35 GMT

Yes freddie. She's lovely and we got on well. I'm thinking about contacting her myself and telling her even though they seem to be going their own ways I don't want to lose contact with her. Would that be too awkward?

He's talking about moving from Qld to Vic so I don't think they will get back together.

I'm very sad for them both.

Re: He's a silly boy

tasfleur — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 00:20:35 GMT

... that's a bit sad Lurker, because it sounds as though you are and would be a wonderful mother in law if they were to marry. What a lovely person you are, and yes, I would get in touch with her and let her know nothing has changed, you still like her very much and the relationship between you could be maintained xxx

Re: He's a silly boy

freddie*rooster — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 00:24:23 GMT

100% agree with what Tas said Lurker, it's sad but we have to take a step back and allow them to make their own way in life. I want grand babies, but neither my son or his partner seem to be interested in having a family. I just adore kids, but, I must respect their choices.

Re: He's a silly boy

azureline** — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 00:28:18 GMT

I would not contact her or stay in touch, as sad as it is.

My son broke up with his gf of 4 years and started seeing another girl almost immediately, they eventually married. We felt that the previous girl was a part of our family, so maintained a friendship with her.

So, 8 years after the wedding, my dil saw that I have the previous gf on my fb friends list and was very upset. She said nothing to us but my son did............... I felt it was unfair but unfriended her.(I do have a great relationship with my DIL and it was more important for that to continue, than my friendship with the x gf)

Re: He's a silly boy

tasfleur — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 00:41:27 GMT

Hope you stay with her Lurker. Friends, if they are real friends, survive and thrive regardless xx

Re: He's a silly boy

lurker17260 — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 00:49:24 GMT

Thanks guys, especially tas for your lovely kind words.
There doesn't seem to be any acrimony (sp?) and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind, but I also understand az's situation and I suppose that's kind of what I'm concerned about.
I dunno. I'll just think about it for a couple of days.
Anyway if I spoke to her now I'd probably start crying and that won't help anyone

Re: He's a silly boy

azureline** — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 00:58:56 GMT

Oh, there was and is, no acrimony Lurker, between them, they were all friends and in the same group at school, the x, my son, my 2 DIL's and my daughter!

My daughter's were also close to the x. It was very sad for us, lol.

The problems arise when there is a party/birthday/anniversary etc and you can't really invite them.

I think you will make the choice that suits your situation.

Re: He's a silly boy

tasfleur — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 00:59:02 GMT

You'll do what is right Lurker, I know you will either way. But I do hope you stay with her and not be influenced by the jealousies of others. I would not push the friendship away and hurt the girl, she's done nothing wrong and neither have you.

I'm still in touch with my husband's ex girlfriend's mother from over 29 years ago, and via that, we both kept in touch with his ex girlfriend, a wonderful cellist who moved to the USA and married there. Nothing changed and she died of melanoma in the USA a few years ago, but the mother has never forgotten us and never would, bless her.

Re: He's a silly boy

cat_mioux — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 01:54:04 GMT

Lurker its part of being a mum of grown ups. They'll meet a wonderful girl/young man and you'll want to adopt them as your own because they are so wonderful and then suddenly they are out of your life 😞

My son dated a lovely girl for years. We got along so well and I'd always joke she was my adopted daughter. I even loved her own mum. I was devastated when they broke up. I'd text "S" every now and then for a year or two but realised out of respect for my son and how he had moved on, I stopped.

I still fantasize they'll get back together after all these years though lol.

Re: He's a silly boy

lurker17260 — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 02:50:11 GMT

I know you are all correct, and my rational mind tells me they are adults and can and should make their own life choices. But I can't help but wallow in a bit of the "what might have been"'s.

On the brighter side I'm going to become a mother-in-law, for the first time, in just over 2 weeks. That's very exciting. I'll be good at it too. I was taught by an expert how NOT to behave 😐

Re: He's a silly boy

tasfleur — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 03:03:14 GMT

... Lurker, I think you will be a most splendid mother-in-law, congratulations xx

Re: He's a silly boy

twinkles**stars — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 05:07:26 GMT

congratulations on the upcoming wedding....what are you wearing? 🙂

Listen to those with experience lurker. They have split, their business. No one knows what went wrong, maybe they drifted apart. If the girl contacts you all well and good, but you making that move to keep in contact could distance you from your son and put her in an awkward position.

My sons ex girlfriend lived with us for some time after they split, was fine, both went into new relationships and every now and again (after 13 years) I get a message from her with an update. 🙂

Re: He's a silly boy

punch*drunk — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 05:16:49 GMT

I kept in contact with my ex boyfriends mum for probably 20 years after we broke up, I used to visit her at least once a month. We still send each other christmas cards, but I just cant find the time to visit her nowadays. I dont think any of her sons girlfriends/wives after me had a problem with it, if they did she never told me.

Re: He's a silly boy

jean2579 — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 05:24:41 GMT

Congratulations, being a MIL is amazing. You finally get someone to talk to about female things and so long as you leave the Son/Husband out of the equation you will have a great relationship. My Son calls it the sisterhood mafia!

Re: He's a silly boy

lurker17260 — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 05:28:40 GMT

@jean2579 wrote:
Congratulations, being a MIL is amazing. You finally get someone to talk to about female things and so long as you leave the Son/Husband out of the equation you will have a great relationship. My Son calls it the sisterhood mafia!

haha we've already got that happening jean. Just recently my other 2 sons and their dad (my OH) went fishing while the girls and I sat on the bank and drank cocktails

Re: He's a silly boy

toon_town_nutter — Fri, 18 Oct 2013 09:00:42 GMT

I think you should give her a call and let her know your friendship was genuine.