topic Re: the Lucky Country? in Community Spirit

the Lucky Country?

45bushy — Sun, 27 Oct 2013 10:10:10 GMT

..Laughter and disparaging remarks could be heared
as the stampede for last drinks
knocked over the emaciated wretch.
A micro in a macro society
Jasmine layed incoherent
crumpled against the bar.
To cleave the past from her mind,
created a sub macro world of lies and fantasy.
'Twas only a matter of time until subjugation
to pain-killers mixed with cheap wine aided combustion.
Envenomed by a cruel run of failures,
she felt her life was optional.
Placation of senses deemed paramount in her day

.."Folklore says there is a savior,
for every one else except me," she thought
as she clumsily tried to regain composure.
The delirium lifted enough to gather her self
to order a goon-bag as if nothing had happened.

..After making way to the sidewalk
she turned to look back
above the big oak door with it's rusty hinges
as the red 'Closed' lights flashed,
blaming disparities in life
on the myth of the lucky country.

Re: the Lucky Country?

serendipityricho — Sun, 27 Oct 2013 18:50:03 GMT

Bushy -not sure about this one-but i realy liked

your other offering--the good old days.............................Richo.

Re: the Lucky Country?

banoras — Sun, 27 Oct 2013 21:27:22 GMT

Want to know what the cruel run of failures was? More about the woman, do you have another first verse maybe?

Keep them coming Bushy! Start a Bush Poetry thread maybe?

Re: the Lucky Country?

kennedia_nigricans — Sun, 27 Oct 2013 21:29:55 GMT

poems are better when they rhyme.

Re: the Lucky Country?

cq_tech — Mon, 28 Oct 2013 01:01:11 GMT

That's actually a matter of opinion. Japanese haiku doesn't rhyme either but that certainly doesn't detract from its inherent beauty.

Re: the Lucky Country?

bright.ton42 — Mon, 28 Oct 2013 02:25:57 GMT

I agree, Haiku is brilliant when done well. So much is said in just 3 lines. It's probably the purest form of poetry.

Rhyming poetry ? - well, not for me.

Re: the Lucky Country?

45bushy — Mon, 28 Oct 2013 06:56:21 GMT

hiya Richo I prefer it myself, just thought I'd throw in a dark horse freewrite lol the ladies seem to like to read about missfortune.

Re: the Lucky Country?

45bushy — Mon, 28 Oct 2013 07:03:01 GMT

this started as a word prompt by another writer trying to break me free from rhyme.. hence the big words haha not me at all I'm afraid,

after working in the grog industry through the years I've seen a hundred Jasmins or Jimmys..

I will have a go at expanding this one

thanks for reading..

Re: the Lucky Country?

45bushy — Mon, 28 Oct 2013 07:06:04 GMT

A Haikus ?

Endangered Oyster Eater
nests on free food
Extinction imminent

I prefer rhyme and prose, after all that's what us Aussies were fed growing up..

Re: the Lucky Country?

bright.ton42 — Tue, 29 Oct 2013 05:52:10 GMT

True Bushy. Nice Haiku though.