topic Re: A Natural Beauty.. in Community Spirit

A Natural Beauty..

45bushy — Thu, 31 Oct 2013 10:57:53 GMT

..There she lays
in a dimly lit room
a dimly lit room looking out to the moon.
Waiting the call
from the married man,
a married man gets out when he can.
By the phone sits a bottle of scotch,
with a bottle of scotch she looks at her watch.....

A natural beauty in search of a thrill.
kids slowed her down and her man was a dill.

..The kids left home
not long after dad
after mom sent their dad mad.
A beautiful lass
when she was eighteen.
At eighteen he made her his queen.
They raised their kids
on the beach in the sun.
With beach'n sun, watched kids having fun.
..Boredom set in
as the years go by,
Years go by an' has men on the sly.
Her body still fit
so she used it well.
Used it well an' made hubbies life hell.
Their kids were taunted
on beach an'at school.
At beach an'school the treatment was cruel.

A natural beauty in search of a thrill
Now thinks she's nearly over the hill.

Two years alone
with grog an'the drugs
Grog an' drugs and suppliers hugs.
Hopes an' dreams
smoked an' blown away
blown away an' now looks in decay.
Fifteen years aged
in the space of two years
in the space of two years caught up to her peers.
..Traded her life
as the misses with kids.
The misses with kids thats now on the skids.
Handed around
to sweeten a deal.
Sweeten the deal with thighs of steel.
She calls this
the excitement she craved.
The excitement she craved now has her enslaved.

A natural beauty in search of a thrill
now a slave for the price of a pill.

The change of life
hit her between the eyes.
Between the eyes hot flushes and lies.
In the gap between
awake and surreal.
Awake and surreal.
Life without keel.
With her head in her hands,
realizes her wrongs,
realizes her wrongs
lips twisted from bongs.
..Symptoms ignored
for a decade or more
a decade or more her vanity ignore.
Dependant now
on the young man with drugs.
Young man with drugs that shares with his thugs.
Still cleaning the house
and scrubbing the floor
scrubbing the floor as the house wife whore.
..A full length mirror in the hall.
Mirrored in the hall she looked frail and small
horrified at the awful sight
An awful sight that showed 'er the light.
She packed her things
in an over night bag
'cos an over night bag was all she had.....

A natural beauty in search of a thrill
lays out the burley in wait for the kill.

..With her bottle of scotch
in a motel room
in a motel room she lays in gloom.
Plots to scam
a married man.
A married man pays on demand.
One more trick
under her belt
under her belt was where he felt.

..Over the edge
and down the ridge
down the ridge stopped at the bridge.
Salty breeze
beautiful moon
beautiful moon life ends to soon.
Blackmail
didn't work this time.
This time was the end of the line.

A natural beauty in search of a thrill
found at the base of a thousand foot hill...

Re: A Natural Beauty..

45bushy — Thu, 31 Oct 2013 19:32:48 GMT

well thanks for the honesty lol.. have been aware of the doggerel side and alas you're correct though I do try for it not to be that way..

I put this up to repair the mechanical side and hopefully smooth it off..I tried to change the tempo with this one as I am bored with the constant da da dah of rhyme and I still haven't nailed it... awe well will keep trying..

I do try to avoid the big words so as not to appear lofty thus alienate the average reader..thanks for reading anyway

I write to kill time in the wee hours so most things written tend to meander untill I get a topic or subject happening..cheers Bushy

Re: A Natural Beauty..

soul_art — Thu, 31 Oct 2013 23:05:01 GMT

Must have been a reply I didn't see?

anyway..bushy I really like the above poem, I like all the poems I've read so far. I don't know anything about the "mechanics" of poetry but the words used bring your poems to life for me. I'm a visual person and I "see" what you're writing. Please keep sharing.

Re: A Natural Beauty..

bright.ton42 — Fri, 01 Nov 2013 03:05:04 GMT

Well I don't know what someone else said, but there's always a place for rhyme in poetry, and this one to me has a rhythm

like a song. Hard to explain, but the repetitions work for me and are very effective. . As usual you tell a vivid story, with a lot of

feeling but not overloaded with sentiment, which is so good. You have your own style and I look forward to reading your

poetry.

Re: A Natural Beauty..

45bushy — Fri, 01 Nov 2013 04:55:57 GMT

thanks for reading..had some average feedback and I think he wanted a rise outa me as well lol..pretty hard to get an argument when I agree, so he pulled the comment I think..

Re: A Natural Beauty..

crystal-gems — Fri, 01 Nov 2013 05:03:48 GMT

Bushy, that is soooo sad.

Re: A Natural Beauty..

45bushy — Fri, 01 Nov 2013 05:41:32 GMT

haha as a writer that warms me cockles that I made you sad, lol job done..

Re: A Natural Beauty..

crystal-gems — Fri, 01 Nov 2013 05:48:46 GMT

I can't stop thinking about it.

You have the gift.

Re: A Natural Beauty..

acacia_pycnantha — Fri, 01 Nov 2013 13:46:03 GMT

Bushy, I pulled my comment before I read your reply (just now)

I pulled it because I regretted what I said and I hoped to have it pulled before you read it, so as not to cause you any grief.

My apologies (though I still can't stand either Lawson or Patterson)

Re: A Natural Beauty..

45bushy — Fri, 01 Nov 2013 19:07:43 GMT

no grief here mate, If I'm silly enough to put myself out there for critiques I gotta take all comers.. and besides you were right on most counts.. if the reader isn't satiafied with the read lol I'm fair game.. cheers and thanks for the honesty..