topic Be submissive to your husband. in Community Spirit

Be submissive to your husband.

nero_bolt — Wed, 08 Jan 2014 23:41:09 GMT

This should make for an interesting discussion 🙂 Full House star Candace Cameron Bure explains why she chooses to be a submissive wife

CANDACE Cameron Bure has been happily married for 17 years and she's got some controversial advice about how to make it work: be submissive to your husband.

The former Full House star (she played the Tanner household's eldest daughter) is now 37 and has three children with her hockey player husband, Val Bure.

In her new book, Balancing It All, she explains she's a proud "submissive" wife, who gladly leaves the family's big decisions up to her husband.

"I love that my man is a leader," she told the Huffington Post .

The definition that I'm using with submissive is the biblical definition. It's meekness. It is not weakness. It's strength under control. It's bridled strength."

In the book, she says she fell into the role of submissive wife to honour her husband's "take-charge personality".

"I quickly learned that I had to find a way of honouring his take-charge personality and not get frustrated about his desire to have the final decision on just about everything," she writes.

"I am not a passive person, but I chose to fall into a more submissive role in our relationship because I wanted to do everything in my power to make my marriage and family work

But the mother-of-three wants readers to understand she's no pushover.

"I allow him to make the final choice," she added in the HuffPo interview. "Obviously I will make my opinion very clear and clearly I have been married for 17 years and we have a very happy marriage and it works very well."

She adds that Val takes her opinions to heart and usually ends up making the decisions she would've made herself.

Re: Be submissive to your husband.

izabsmiling — Wed, 08 Jan 2014 23:47:56 GMT

Men who abuse tend to be traditional in their attitudes in regards to male and female roles.

Re: Be submissive to your husband.

my*2*terrors — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 00:23:23 GMT

That only works if your husband is of sufficient intelligence and knowledge to make the right decisions and always has the family's interests at heart and not his own. Unfortunately there's a lot of dumb men out there who don't realise they're dumb. If my mother had allowed my father to be the `boss' in our household (as he wanted to be and strived to be using lots of aggression and bullying) we'd have been even more screwed up than we were and we'd also have ended up broke and destitute. The man is an idiot and a bully. Mum had the brains and the earning potential and she ditched him after 35 years as she could no longer put up with his antics. She actually paid him to go away!

My husband is highly intelligent and highly honourable but we still make decisions together. On some issues he has control simply because I have no opinion on the matter in hand or do not have sufficient knowledge to form an opinion. On others, I do and on some areas it's left completely up to me. We work to our own individual strengths for the good of the family unit. We have a pretty harmonious relationship on the whole.

Re: Be submissive to your husband.

the_great_she_elephant — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 01:30:28 GMT

Why on earth should the supposed views of somne who earns her living by pretending to be people she isn't be considered worthy of discussion?

Re: Be submissive to your husband.

ca04 — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 01:33:29 GMT

Depends under what traditions you were brought up.

Re: Be submissive to your husband.

fiestas*girl — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 01:37:42 GMT

so refreshing to see Nero start a thread that is not related to politics!!

well done nero

Re: Be submissive to your husband.

**meep** — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 01:46:06 GMT

awwwww are those cavvies on the cover?

Re: Be submissive to your husband.

kengillard — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 02:10:36 GMT

Depends under what traditions you were brought up.....by and by whom?

Re: Be submissive to your husband.

grandmoon — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 02:24:00 GMT

My father alway thought he was in full controll of the family, and he made all the decisions and my mother let him think that and they were both happy.

Re: Be submissive to your husband.

k0llectable5 — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 12:23:24 GMT

Great topic Nero.

I think it comes down to egalitarianism. The idea that men and women are "equals" is a very contentious topic. The reason IMO is because they are not equal they are in fact totally different. It's ike apples and oranges. They are not equal because they are totally different. Two things that are totally different can never equal each other, it's a non sequitur. I know it's also about equal rights and pay etc. I'm all for that. I just dont think men should act like women nor women like men.

It's also a problem with feminism I think. For all the greatness feminism bought to the table for women, there are still some dark sides to it that I dont think many people, especially women ever really care to acknowledge.

Re: Be submissive to your husband.

acacia_pycnantha — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 12:31:31 GMT

Candace Cameron Bure seems to be the archetypal Stepford Wife.

Really depressing that anyone could take her seriously.

Re: Be submissive to your husband.

the*scarlet*pimpernel — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 12:37:24 GMT

Acacia how do you manage to type whilst rubbing kenn's feet and openeing her beer?

Re: Be submissive to your husband.

acacia_pycnantha — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 12:44:54 GMT

She gives me time off for good behaviour now and again. 😉

Re: Be submissive to your husband.

the*scarlet*pimpernel — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 12:48:33 GMT

I thought you may have become adept at multi tasking

Re: Be submissive to your husband.

acacia_pycnantha — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 12:54:17 GMT

Well yes, that too.

It's ok, I can hear if she rings her bell from here.

Re: Be submissive to your husband.

the*scarlet*pimpernel — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 13:00:25 GMT

Re: Be submissive to your husband.

everything*that*i*ever*wanted — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 13:56:58 GMT

I actually know a few couples where this kind of relationship works very well for them. The key is that both members of the couple need to have respect for each other. I guess it comes down to the work you put into the relationship. In a good marriage you both have the same or similar ideals, beliefs and goals. This kind of marriage isn't meeting hubby at the door with his newspaper and a cold beer as he walks in the door from work and the wife has dinner on the stove, perfect lipstick and has just spent an hour primping and preening before hubby comes home.

It basically holds that both opinions are heard and discussed and the husband makes the final decision for the betterment of the home and family. I can't think of anything that myself and my husband wouldn't come to the same decision on....apart from him wanting to spoil the kids. And no, we don't have the above kind of marriage. We discuss everything and make decisions together. Sometimes his initial idea is what we agree on, sometimes it is mine...but either way, the final decision is one we agree on after discussion.

Re: Be submissive to your husband.

punch*drunk — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 21:29:28 GMT

I think its a personality thing. Some people are naturally more dominant and some more submissive. As long as there's respect theres no reason why it wouldnt work regardless of which gender is the more submissive personality. Its when its taken to extremes and turns to abuse that there's a problem.

Re: Be submissive to your husband.

lurker17260 — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 21:35:59 GMT

I agree punch.
The problem I see is that she seems to be holding up what apparently works in her relationship as a model for others to follow. Smacks of arrogance to me (and the desire to make a few bucks from what she knows will be a controversial subject)

Re: Be submissive to your husband.

punch*drunk — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 21:44:37 GMT

@lurker17260 wrote:
I agree punch.
The problem I see is that she seems to be holding up what apparently works in her relationship as a model for others to follow. Smacks of arrogance to me (and the desire to make a few bucks from what she knows will be a controversial subject)

Maybe thats a big problem with marriages today, too many "models" to follow, too many people telling us how marriages should be and couples trying to fit into something that they are told is right but maybe doesnt suit them. If people are happy and respect each other, that should be enough. they shouldnt have to mold to what anothers idea of a perfect relationship is.