topic Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go? in Community Spirit

Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

kengillard — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 07:20:05 GMT

I and 2 other neighbours have been made ....by default.... responsible for our neighbours health. She's been sent home from hospital after 10 days, having spent a day and a night in the rain on the concrete outside her back door. After I found her, I called the ambulance who tried to get her to come with them....refused...police were called... had her stomach drained of fluid. Sent home on Friday last...had another fall on Saturday....went to see her this morning..she had another fall and ambulance took her to hospital again.

Because she's so stubborn and negative...72.....they can't help her unless she agrees....meanwhile they send her home to an empty house............cos she told them "my friend and my neighbours will look after me."

It's ridiculous....we are not responsible for her welfare. she has a son up north that she refuses to be notified as her next of kin.

So that leaves us 3...should she come home again. I'm looking after her 2 dogs and others are feeding and watering her geese etc..

Surely there's some agency or other that can step in?

Any suggestions anyone. I don't mind helping but this is getting ridiculous. How long does she have to lie out/in before someone finds her (prob me)...before anyone will do anything definite to save her from herself?

Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

azureline** — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 07:22:51 GMT

Community Health, do you have one nearby? Do you have her son's details? call him.

Unless she has named you as her POA or Guardian, you cannot be expected to take care of her.

Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

azureline** — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 07:23:31 GMT

Call the hospital she is in and tell the social worker perhaps.

Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

silverfaun — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 07:30:03 GMT

You are a good neighbour by the sounds of it but you are being put upon. Unfortunatly this woman sounds like she has mental health issues so good luck with trying to get any help in that dept.

You could contact the Salvos. Sorry I wish there was more help you could get with this, maybe someone on here could advise you.

Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

azureline** — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 07:35:34 GMT

This may be the right one Gilly.

http://www.myagedcare.gov.au/

Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

catsnknots — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 07:36:38 GMT

Usually a hospital won't send anyone home if they need care unless they have confirmed that there is help at home, for example they have called up and asked the neighbour if they are going to help. The hospital cannot let her go home into your care unless they are 100% sure you are there to look after her.

How did she get home? Was it the ambulance or taxi? That will usually indicate her care requirements.

Who told you that the hospital let her go home because you will care for her? Was it the lady herself? Chances are she is just playing you for assistance rather than go to a nursing home. She might be stubborn but in reality she is being manipulative.

Where I am the CHIP team are responsible for care of patients that go home and need medical assistance.

At the hospital they also have trained people that go around as make the assesments for a person to have in home care.

http://www.health.qld.gov.au/tpch/documents/hbacs2.pdf

Example of a CHIP unit brochure... see of your local hospital has one and if they are looking after her.

Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

azureline** — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 07:41:22 GMT

http://www.myagedcare.gov.au/finder/community-care-organisation-detail/86908

Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

kengillard — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 07:51:11 GMT

she has been offered home nursing, emergency thingos for round her neck by the local care agency, every thing she has said no to. they haven't even done an ACAT assessment, cos they asked her and she said NO in no uncertain terms. basically they sent her home so she would "fail" and HAVE to ask for the help she had declined.

Meanwhile backin the neighbourhood. it's us who have to check on her to see if she's still alive? not good enough I don't think. I don't need thsi extra stress.

Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

kengillard — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 07:51:57 GMT

she has refused all offers of help Cat. hence the problem.

Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

i-need-a-martini — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 08:09:48 GMT

Do you have her sons number? I suggest you call him to let him know what is going on.

We are/were in the same boat with our 82 year old neighbour although he is more mobile. We were taking him to drs appointments, taking in food, doing shopping, checking him daily etc. Everytime he landed in hospital he refused to tell his children who both lived interstate.

When he went into hosptal the last time we went through his address book and called his son who got on the phone and arranged everything. The old bloke gets a nurse to the house daily, someone to cook/clean and meals on wheels.

Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

i-need-a-martini — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 08:11:37 GMT

Or if that isn't possible, next time she lands in hospital go with her. And make it clear to the nurses there that she is not your responsibility. They will arrange excuses for a nurse to start coming to the house and from there old lady will get used to it.

Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

kengillard — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 08:17:30 GMT

sounds like a good idea martini. unfortunately no one has her sons phone no. except the hospital as her next of kin, and she's made it clear she doesn't want him notified. I could go to the police, but they prob. can't help either seeing i'm not a relative. all very frustrating.

wonder if anyone lives in Cairns????????

Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

kengillard — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 08:20:36 GMT

I tried to call the social worker in the hospital she was in before they discharged her. They told me they don't have a social worker..she's called a discharge planner. who was supposed to ring me back. her house is a mess and she lives alone. bleep

Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

electric*mayhem*band — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 08:21:44 GMT

Sounds a cantankerous old harridan to me. Good luck to you, and anyone else having to deal with her.

Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

buzzlightyearsgirlfriend — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 08:21:59 GMT

I'd be using every resource I had to find the son and dob her in to him.

Unwell, elderly people can be so difficult to deal with. You want to respect them and allow them to make all the choices without interfering, but sometimes you can't.

Once my brother's stupid dog jumped up at my old granny and she fell and hit her head. Blood everywhere. She refused to go to hospital, point blank. Yelled at me about it even. So I had to sit with her all night while she threw up from concussion and then had diarrhea from the same. I eventually smuggled a Dr into the house, without granny knowing beforehand, and she treated her and gave her medicine.

When she got really, really sick a few years later from breast cancer she would often refuse to go to the hospital. My Dad would call my brother over and my brother would just hoist her up like a baby, put her into the car and take her to the Dr/hospital despite her protestations.

Sometimes you just have to do what they don't want you to do.

Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

kengillard — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 08:24:45 GMT

tomorrow I will do my best to find the son. I've looked up phone nos. in his area, rung them but no luck so far. hospital wont give me the no. because of privacy laws etc.

Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

i-need-a-martini — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 08:35:14 GMT

We got the sons number when he was in hospital. We were in his house getting some supplies for him and found his address book. We told him a white lie - that his son called while we were in the house so we had no choice but to tell him dad was in hospital.

Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

cherry*135 — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 08:46:02 GMT

Difficult position for you and the neighbours.

There must be some point in time.. when an ill, not able to take care of themselves, elderly person's wishes are overridden (especially if they have dementia) by the authorities.

I don't suppose this lady has a GP or if she does, you know who it is? If she did go to a GP the best thing would be the Dr to arrange respite care in a retirment home for the neighbour for a week or 2 and they can access her ability or not to live in her own home.

Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

kengillard — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 08:41:38 GMT

thanks Martini. perhaps I could be sneaky. she's definite NO ONE should go in her house. I now know why. I had to go in there 10 days ago to rescue 2 of her dogs, which I've had here since. They were shut in a b.r. for the same amount of time she was on the concrete in the rain. it's all very sad and frustrating too.

Thanks for your help everyone..

Re: Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

kennedia_nigricans — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 08:42:36 GMT

i was all caring and naive until i met my MIL.

it's a power game.

if they don't want to drink/attended by a doctor/etc just let them.

it's their choice, they are old enough to decide for themselves.

if they want to die by acting stupid let them, it's none of your business.

i have spend a few days (all in all) in hospital (for no bleeping reason) waiting for my FIL because he refused to get the ambulance when he fell and broke his ellbow....long story short: it could have been fixed then but NOOOOO he didn't want to go (he is in the ambulance fund) and so we had to spend a considerable amount of time with him in hospital/driving him to the dr/hospital PLUS it didn't heal as well cos he left it unattended for ages.