topic Re: teenage problems in Community Spirit

teenage problems

hahahavefun — Fri, 24 Oct 2014 23:21:42 GMT

You have a near 16 yr old daughter who is doing a lot of things wrong but you know all about it and struggle with her but you get her all the help ex doctors , councilors and school and as hard as you try it all seems to fail . On the other hand you have a nephew who is 2 yrs older who hangs with your daughter who is and has done more **bleep** then her and his mother has absolutely no idea what he is and has been up to . He lied to his mother where he was last weekend and when photos were put on facebook and she seen them he lied straight to her face and told her they were from a few weeks ago , kids do this i know but the problem is he is really peeved off with my daughter and now hates her and is trying to turn their friends against her . His mother has basically wiped my daughter when her own son has done so much worse that she doesnt know about . She doesnt work and believes everything her son says and he in every adults eyes around is a golden head boy he is very good at this where as my daughter isnt and i know what she is doing . How would you deal with this .

Re: teenage problems

azureline** — Fri, 24 Oct 2014 23:57:36 GMT

Unless you want to be on the outer with your sister, there is nothing you can do, don't enter into any discussions about it, don't allow her or your nephew to denigrate your daughter.

Be open about it though if the opportunity arises, to the people involved.

I was asked for advice by one of my sisters once, re her son's behaviour, I made the mistake of giving it and suffered for it. It wasn't worth it.

ps: the friends will know the truth

Re: teenage problems

hahahavefun — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 00:16:55 GMT

For many yrs i have said nothing to my sister on what her son is up to because I believe if she took more notice of him and his life instead of putting her life ahead of his she would know . My biggest problem with this particular issue is that now my mother because of my sister will be looking down on my daughter while he gets off scot free . I guess im just angry because it is for this sister that my daughter shaved her head in support of her cancer and copped a lot of bullying at high school and the fact that my daughter has always been there and supported him when no one else has even as far as him going to court a few weeks ago when he was charged for stealing a bike and being banned from the shopping centre . This his mother doesn't know about . Im angry and upset .

Re: teenage problems

azureline** — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 00:23:04 GMT

In that case, tell your mother the truth?

Re: teenage problems

imastawka — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 00:31:31 GMT

Stay well clear of it IMO. Keep advising your daughter about right and wrong.

Ignore the nephew's doings. Sooner or later, the law,(or just life), will catch

up with him.

You sound resentful that he is the golden haired boy - that will disappear

when he is caught - and he will be.

Re: teenage problems

hahahavefun — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 00:36:40 GMT

He lives with my mother and father while his mum lived 5 mins away with her boyfriend and my nephew hated this , he was never asked so I guess a lot is retaliation on his part but doesn't excuse his behaviour to my daughter . I so want to tell but my mums health is more important. I think I may just speak to my nephew .

Re: teenage problems

mugssy65 — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 00:45:39 GMT

Haha... Have you asked your daughter what she wants you to do? Sitting the golden child down might make things worse for her, I've delt with kids like him and if I'm right he will look you in the eye and tell you everything you want to hear and then turn round and do as he pleases.
As for turning her friends against her if she's getting into strife with them maybe he is doing you and her a favour?

Re: teenage problems

imastawka — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 00:48:10 GMT

Good idea. Be stern, but don't expect that he will listen.

Just let him know that you know 'his game'

I don't think telling your mum is a good idea. Firstly you say her

health is more important and second, grandma's love all their

grandchildren, so she will not look down on your daughter.

Kids are kids. They will get away with whatever they can at that age.

Re: teenage problems

katydidthat — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 00:51:39 GMT

I agree with Mugssy ... have a talk with your daughter about the whole situation, then ask her what she wants to do about it, and what she wants YOU to do about it. Tell her that you will not automatically DO what she wants, but you do want to hear her thoughts before you act.

Re: teenage problems

hahahavefun — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 01:00:26 GMT

My daughter wow she means the world to me but seriously is heading down a very destructive path , god knows how much i have tried to help her and talk to her over the last 6 months but nothing is working and we have spoken about her cousin and she doesnt care if anyone knows what he has been doing but is very very hurt on his treatment of her .

Re: teenage problems

hahahavefun — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 01:20:06 GMT

Mugssy he is telling these friends if they let her hang around with them he wont hang around them . These friends told her that she isnt to blame for him getting into trouble with his mother and that nobody is holding a gun to his head to make him do the things he is doing its purely his choice . I ve tried everything to get her away from these kids ive even been to the house to get her when she hasnt gone to school and is with them several times . Teenage girls aarrggggg

Re: teenage problems

mugssy65 — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 01:33:41 GMT

I raised 3 girls Haha, the thing you have to remember is that for 16 years you did the ground work, you taught her right from wrong, you gave her morals and showed her love. These things are set in stone they are her foundations, she will rebel, life will kick her in the guts and one day she will realise you were right.

Re: teenage problems

hahahavefun — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 01:41:09 GMT

Muggsy I'm beside myself and just don't know where to go from here in short of leaving her go now to learn the hard way . Her councilor said she just isn't getting any of this and that's unfortunately her teenage brain .

Re: teenage problems

the_hawk* — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 01:46:20 GMT

Be grateful she is no longer hanging around with a group of people that are leading her astray and hope she finds a group of better friends

Re: teenage problems

mugssy65 — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 01:53:09 GMT

Haha these years are like a roller coaster you have to hold on tight! I used to wonder how people knew they were having a mental break down? I was sure I was going to have one! How old is her cousin? How did he go to court without his mother? I had to go with mine, EMBARASING as it was! You'll be encouraged to know that all four of mine have turned out fine, none of them ended up in goal, you just have to hang in there never ever give up on her!

Re: teenage problems

hahahavefun — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 01:53:37 GMT

Hawk she is still with these friends i cant keep her away from them

Re: teenage problems

hahahavefun — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 01:54:45 GMT

Her cousin will be 18 next march .

Re: teenage problems

azureline** — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 02:02:35 GMT

@hahahavefun wrote:
For many yrs i have said nothing to my sister on what her son is up to because I believe if she took more notice of him and his life instead of putting her life ahead of his she would know . My biggest problem with this particular issue is that now my mother because of my sister will be looking down on my daughter while he gets off scot free . I guess im just angry because it is for this sister that my daughter shaved her head in support of her cancer and copped a lot of bullying at high school and the fact that my daughter has always been there and supported him when no one else has even as far as him going to court a few weeks ago when he was charged for stealing a bike and being banned from the shopping centre . This his mother doesn't know about . Im angry and upset .

How does his mother not know? didn't he need an adult to attend court with him?

Re: teenage problems

hahahavefun — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 02:09:13 GMT

No he is over 17 just my daughter a friend went with him .

Re: teenage problems

kilroy_is_here — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 02:11:22 GMT

If it's not making you stronger then it's making you weaker , in which case you need to cut it free .let him cut out her friends as they are part of the problem , distance your self from your sister and if she asks why tell her the truth , take back the control ,some times the only way to help our kids is to let them fall and learn their lesson their way