topic Re: Autism / Aspergers in Community Spirit

Autism / Aspergers

grandmoon — Sun, 18 May 2014 00:59:49 GMT

Do people Autism or Aspergers say please and thank you ??

I am dealing with an adult who never saids these words.

Re: Autism / Aspergers

2106greencat — Sun, 18 May 2014 01:13:25 GMT

My nephew has Aspergers and has good manners in everyday life, please, thankyou for material things etc, he needed to be reminded a lot when he was younger, but it is completely natural for him now - he is 15.

Sometimes with Mickey (my nickname for him), outside of the everyday he does not always react in a way we would to certain things or comments or information given.

An example - he is extremely intelligent and very logically minded, if he asks a question and feels he has not been given all relevant data his thought process is there is no reason to thank someone for not giving him the correct information.

This happens in school with his teachers often, or he will tell the teacher that the answer was inappropriate or not informative.

This can sometimes come across as being a SA, but it really isn't, he needs the info and if he can't get it, he will find out for himself, and often disregard the information he feels was substandard.

That can come across as rude.

I was once told that the aspergers kids have very wide goal posts in their minds so one answer will not fit all, and things are not as cut and dried to them as they may be to others.

Re: Autism / Aspergers

grandmoon — Sun, 18 May 2014 01:19:08 GMT

Thank you

I have the feeling that this person is rude and maybe has not had the training in manners.

Yesterday she came in the room and said "Get me a cup of tea while I do something" the woman she was talking to in 86 year old.

Re: Autism / Aspergers

2106greencat — Sun, 18 May 2014 01:25:32 GMT

That does sound rude, but in her defence, it is not an exact or absolute affliction. How old is this person?

Many sufferers have different behavioural problems, my nephew would for instance, never speak in that manner to an adult (or any one really) but in some instances he can be blunt if he thinks you are wrong about something and simply walk away with no further comment.

It sounds as though maybe the person you are describing had parents who were not well informed on the problem and let her get away with simple things like manners and write it off to the affliction.

And I am not blaming the parents, it has only been in the last 10 or so years that aspergers has really been identified and talked openly about, and many make the mistake of thinking autism is the same.

Re: Autism / Aspergers

azureline** — Sun, 18 May 2014 02:06:02 GMT

It's not about being rude, it's all in the training. My grandchild has impeccable manners but can be quite straightforward as well.

Re: Autism / Aspergers

bella_again — Sun, 18 May 2014 02:31:41 GMT

I think manners can be taught whatever the condition. Sometimes though if the person is under pressure or someone is demanding eye contact they do tend to forget to use pleasantries. How is the person generally with social conversation? They may have other issues going on or may have never been taught to respond appropriately in social situations.

I have 3 on the spectrum, their manners are pretty good. The middle child though sometimes forgets to say thankyou and can walk off abruptly not intending to be rude, but is challenged or overwhelmed by the social situation. We are still trying to train her in this area but she does need continual prompting. However its not intentional. There may be more going on with the adult than you realise. Does the person have a carer? The carer may need to practise social interaction and scripts with them so that they learn to talk more appropriately to people.

Re: Autism / Aspergers

i-need-a-martini — Sun, 18 May 2014 06:29:34 GMT

grandmoon - you only ever seem to tell half the story.

What was the relationship with the 86 year old? Was what she was doing of some consequence that she was only thinking of her task at hand?

There are lots of reasons why people fail to say the magic words.

It sounds like you were visiting. So you can't really pass judgment me thinks.

Re: Autism / Aspergers

*pepe — Sun, 18 May 2014 06:33:52 GMT

@grandmoon wrote:
Do people Autism or Aspergers say please and thank you ??

I am dealing with an adult who never saids these words.

perhaps they are just not well mannered.

Re: Autism / Aspergers

grandmoon — Sun, 18 May 2014 07:14:38 GMT

Thats what I am trying to work out Pepe.

Re: Autism / Aspergers

azureline** — Sun, 18 May 2014 07:25:13 GMT

It can also be just that the person might feel judged, or uncomfortable in the situation or with certain people.

Re: Autism / Aspergers

*pepe — Sun, 18 May 2014 07:31:39 GMT

@grandmoon wrote:
Thats what I am trying to work out Pepe.

i think its insulting that you see someone display what you perceive to be bad manners and your thought is perhaps she is autistic or has aspergers.

Re: Autism / Aspergers

azureline** — Sun, 18 May 2014 07:34:17 GMT

I assumed she knew the person has aspergers? woops, misread that didn't I?

so my new answer is, some people just have no manners.

Re: Autism / Aspergers

2106greencat — Sun, 18 May 2014 07:43:48 GMT

I assumed the same thing -

grandmoon - in your OP you made it sound like you knew a person had aspergers or autism ??

It is usually one or the other, both are mutually exclusive so not sure if the person you are talking about has the actual affliction or you have just assumed they do ??

If you are assuming, then I have to agree with Az, maybe they are just ill mannered.

Az - I take it from your reply you also have experience with autism/aspergers. If any thing I said offended I do apologise, I was only reiterating what my nephew is like, not trying to say all aspergers are the same, as I said, it is not an absolute, varying degrees and behaviours are a part of the whole.

Wish I had just shut up from the beginning now.

Re: Autism / Aspergers

azureline** — Sun, 18 May 2014 07:43:40 GMT

New criteria now greencat means it is all ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder)

Re: Autism / Aspergers

*pepe — Sun, 18 May 2014 07:42:58 GMT

@azureline** wrote:
I assumed she knew the person has aspergers? woops, misread that didn't I?
so my new answer is, some people just have no manners.

i may have misunderstood, I read it differently to you.

If I misunderstood I apologise for my previous comment.

Re: Autism / Aspergers

2106greencat — Sun, 18 May 2014 07:47:53 GMT

God - I m just sorry on so many levels....

but just so you all know....

my nephew has aspergeers (guess you all got that) ...and I love that kid....and he is freaking awesome.

Carry on

Re: Autism / Aspergers

1966kelso — Sun, 18 May 2014 07:55:00 GMT

my SIL spoke to her 76 yeaar old mother like that. Muuuum, get me a glass of water, as she lay on the couch doing absolutely nothing.

She doesn't have autism, she is a lazy, spoilt brat.

Re: Autism / Aspergers

catsnknots — Sun, 18 May 2014 09:04:45 GMT

My son has ASD... he also had ODD...

it took me YEARS of prompting to get him to say please and thankyou...he never said it those words even as a toddler, no matter what I did.

now as he is so defiant he still hates to say thankyou so instead he says "your welcome" ...I am happy to accept that in the house but he knows to use the right words in public...

It is just rudeness to not use basic manners.. people on the spectrum have difficulties maybe knowing when to say it at the right time but learn pretty fast in the company of others that use those manners.

Re: Autism / Aspergers

cherry*135 — Sun, 18 May 2014 09:12:43 GMT

Some Autistic people aren't able to speak at all.

Re: Autism / Aspergers

buzzlightyearsgirlfriend — Sun, 18 May 2014 09:45:09 GMT

@1966kelso wrote:
my SIL spoke to her 76 yeaar old mother like that. Muuuum, get me a glass of water, as she lay on the couch doing absolutely nothing.
She doesn't have autism, she is a lazy, spoilt brat.

I do this when my Mum is visiting.

She's just turned 70.

She likes to come and visit and take care of me and the kids for a bit.

She often shoos the kids away from me when I'm snoozing on the couch.

I work full time and am a single parent, so it's sometimes nice to have someone look after me for a bit.

When my Mum is visiting I cook proper meals every night so it's not like I make her my slave.