topic Re: How do you tell a friend..... in Community Spirit

How do you tell a friend.....

red.lollipop — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 01:42:01 GMT

.....they feed their kid too much **bleep**?

A friend of mine has a little girl - she's 10. We get together quite regularly and every time we do, he buys her things like pancakes and a big piece of cake with icecream just for morning tea, then they go out to lunch. (Don't know how she fits it all in!!!) She's a lovely little girl and every time I see her, she's getting heavier and she also refuses to play any sport or even go outside and my friend (her dad) doesn't push it either. I just feel like my friend doesn't see what's happening, and she's such a nice little girl I'd hate to think of her getting picked on or anything because of it. It's not just every now and then either. Whatever she asks for, she will normally get.

Re: How do you tell a friend.....

cherry*135 — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 01:43:39 GMT

I wouldn't think it was your place to comment directly on what they eat, or what child is given to eat. Not if you want to remain friends with the Dad.

Buy them a juicer and a load of fresh vegs and some fruit for a gift!

Re: How do you tell a friend.....

red.lollipop — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 01:45:21 GMT

I agree --- it's not my place, but I just feel for the little girl and wondered if anybody had some tactful suggestions, as tact is sometimes not my strongest point 🙂

Re: How do you tell a friend.....

azureline** — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 01:47:56 GMT

It depends on the extent of your friendship.

It may be a rare treat?

All children are different, one of mine was a skinny mini for her first 5 years and ate very little, she was chubby as a pre teen but didn't get picked on. Now she is back to thin again. She has never eaten rubbish/sugar/fatty food.

Re: How do you tell a friend.....

cherry*135 — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 01:51:58 GMT

I don't think there is a tactful way. Unless the parent mentions it first. You don't know how they are going to react.

As az said, eating out may be a treat. Do you know what they eat at home. Is her mother in the picture, does she have meals at home with her too?

Re: How do you tell a friend.....

red.lollipop — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 01:56:27 GMT

I know them well enough to know it's not a rare treat. And absolutely kids do differ and of course she may change as she gets older. It just doesn't look like the normal "puppy fat" if you know what I mean, and she really does look quite unhealthy. She is asked if she wants to go for a walk/ride/scoot or throw a ball at the park, but she will say no and her dad won't push it.

Re: How do you tell a friend.....

the*scarlet*pimpernel — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 01:56:00 GMT

could you say something like " WOW, that's a lot to eat for a little girl, are you sure you'll fit all that in?" in a bright happy tone whilst looking pointedly at the dad

Re: How do you tell a friend.....

this-one-time-at-bandcamp — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 02:06:43 GMT

You know, if you said that in the Southern US, there's a good chance you'd "eat lead".......

Re: How do you tell a friend.....

simone4010 — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 02:07:40 GMT

Red.lollipop

Would I be correct in assuming that your friend is separated from the child’s mother? I say this because often when the parents split up they over compensate for this and give the child/children everything they ask for. Your friend is probably not even aware of what he is doing. And if no-one says anything to him, then how will he know he’s doing the ‘wrong’ thing. Unfortunately, eating habits start when we are young, so those habits will carry into her adulthood.

Do you have a close relationship with the dad? If so, I would broach the subject with him, tactfully of course. You could even find some articles on childhood/adulthood obesity and how diet is the main contributor to this, not to mention the insults and bullying she may face as she gets older.

Maybe when you meet up with them, you could suggest some activities for you all that will be some form of exercise ie bike riding, a long walk or ball game in the park, or even swimming.

Re: How do you tell a friend.....

the*scarlet*pimpernel — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 02:12:31 GMT

@this-one-time-at-bandcamp wrote:
You know, if you said that in the Southern US, there's a good chance you'd "eat lead".......

really?

why?

Re: How do you tell a friend.....

grandmoon — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 02:21:10 GMT

@the*scarlet*pimpernel wrote:
could you say something like " WOW, that's a lot to eat for a little girl, are you sure you'll fit all that in?" in a bright happy tone whilst looking pointedly at the dad

If someone had said that to one of my children they would have said "yes" and then went to prove that they could by asking for more.

Re: How do you tell a friend.....

this-one-time-at-bandcamp — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 02:31:39 GMT

why?

That's the culture....any offense is returned with gunfire........look at the last couple of years.....play music too loud, you die.......start getting the worst of a bout of fisticuffs, pull a gun.....have a disagreement with a neighbor, pull a gun.......last week two 14-year olds had a cat fight, one ended up dead.

Re: How do you tell a friend.....

vicr3000 — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 02:32:39 GMT

Red necks !

Re: How do you tell a friend.....

the*scarlet*pimpernel — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 02:32:39 GMT

@grandmoon wrote:
@the*scarlet*pimpernel wrote:
could you say something like " WOW, that's a lot to eat for a little girl, are you sure you'll fit all that in?" in a bright happy tone whilst looking pointedly at the dad

If someone had said that to one of my children they would have said "yes" and then went to prove that they could by asking for more.

yep, I did think of that, but really the comment is directed at the parent not the child. The kid probably will try and fit it all in but hopefully won't get another chance to do the same next time because the father takes the hint and curtails the amount of rubbish food she has.

Re: How do you tell a friend.....

bluecat*dancing — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 03:18:28 GMT

Just tell him that he feeds his kid a lot of **bleep** but whatever you do, do not humiliate the daughter.

Re: How do you tell a friend.....

vicr3000 — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 03:19:54 GMT

That was my thought, on both counts.

Re: How do you tell a friend.....

green.fields — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 03:21:14 GMT

Red lollipop, are these occasions you see them at your place or a park, could you take and offer nuts, cut up fruit and carrot and celery sticks dressed up suitably for kidlets.

Really, if he was a good mate and not just an aquaintance I would try to broach the subject with him. My first thought was the same as someone else's in this thread, that he is overcompensating for some reason however he may just be a slack parent.

Re: How do you tell a friend.....

lind9650 — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 03:33:19 GMT

There are several questions to be considered before the right answers can be found.

A little girl at 10y old and being overwheight must be already being bullied or at least teased in School. Is it comfort eating?

Where does the mother fit into the picture? Does the girl live with her dad and he can not cook? Propably all those bought fast foods is just because something is missing in both their lifes?

There is no way of being tactful with a parent who does not know that they are slowly killing their child or giving them a lifetime of misery with illnesses caused by obesity.

If you are so very close to your friend, then perhaps a quiet talk when the girl is not present. Tell him how much you care for the girl and offer to help if he does not know where to start.

Instead of going for morning tea or lunch, pack a hamper with wholesome food and invite them to a picnic (sp?)

Erica

Re: How do you tell a friend.....

siggie-reported-by-alarmists — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 04:36:35 GMT

Do not comment on the childs weight!

However, if you are concerned, call em out.

Just say..... " You are feeding her too much **bleep** food".

He knows he feeds her **bleep**......... he doesn't know how to say no.

Be prepared to suffer the fall out if he is offended.

Re: How do you tell a friend.....

siggie-reported-by-alarmists — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 04:38:29 GMT

@vicr3000 wrote:

Red necks !

.........Indeed......lol.