Teen Neglect/Abuse?

[witches*wol]

Ok Master 17 has a girlfriend, been dating almost 4 months, she will be 17 next week.  So far seems like a very nice girl.  Gets along well with us and our youngest son.  So All Is Good...BUT...

Her Mother 😮  OMG the woman is a problem.  No we haven't met her or dad or step dad (Our son has met mum, step dad and little brother)

We know mum drinks...a lot!  Is regularly drunk, gets very abusive when drinking especially towards her daughter.  Our son has had the pleasure of seeing mum "go off" over skype.

Tonight she has locked her daughter out of the main house - this means she still has access to her bedroom but no access to food or anything.  She has been told she will be locked out for 3 days.  She was forced to phone her bio-dad tonight and to basically confess to him what a horrible disgusting person she is and that she is a pig.  She was able to call her dad back and apologise for the call and dad said he knew that mum forced her to call him.  (She use to live with dad - moved back to mum about 4 months ago)

Now to add to this mum has gotten hold of our sons mobile phone no and she is calling him to tell him what a terrible person his girlfriend (her daughter) is  Fortunately our son has been warned by his g/f that it is mum calling him and he has not answered her calls.  (comes up as unknown No and he doesn't answer unknown No's)

Tomorrow the girl will be going to stay with friends as she can't live at home for the next few days so she will be out of the situation for awhile.

So my question is what do I/ can I/ would you do??????

We live almost an hours drive from this girl so we can't just pop over and help.

She is in yr 11 so has at least 2 more years of school to go. 

Do we ring DOCS, or talk to the school, or just keep our noses out of it? I've not been in this situation before and I hate hearing that she is having to put up with this carp!  Do DOCS etc deal with older kids or just little ones?

Thanks

[aspie*mum]

everything*that*i*ever*wanted - excellent advice.  Talk to her before you do anything to find out exactly what is going on and what she wants to happen.

Given there is a 5 year old in the house, I would call Child Protective Services in your state.

Your son should also think about taking out an AVO (Apprehended Violence Order) against the mother for harassment.  This means she wont be able to keep calling.  If you take it out (as the parent) it should cover the rest of your family members.

What a terrible situation for you to be in (and the poor girl of course).

[katydidthat]

AM*3 ... charities can help with people starting up their own home with things like furniture and clothes and appliances ... Centrelink benefits aren't nearly enough for people to furnish a new dwelling as well as pay for rent and food and power.   

[givemeaspell]

Next time she calls your son, you answer, tell her in no uncertain terms she is not to be calling your son.  Speak to both the son and his gf.  Think about this though, this is a lot for your son to be taking on, you need to be careful and keep an eye on him as well.  Have a chat to her and ask her what is it that you can do (if anything) to help the situation.  However if the 5 y.o. is living there I would def be speaking to someone in authority about that.

Good Luck

[witches*wol]

Well the good news is she is staying at a friends house tonight so she is safe.  The bad news is she is sick 😞  Poor girl.

Anyway due to the teachers strike she has tomorrow off and if she is feeling better she plans to come over to our place.  So with luck we may be able to sit down with her and figure out what she would like to see happen.

Trish I am sure I am not getting the whole story but... still what kind of mother gets smashed off her face on grog and locks her daughter out of the house for 3 days and then tries to phone the daughters boyfriend to tell him what a biatch his g/f is?????  That is not normal parenting.

This girl has 2 other families who take her in when mum goes "nuts" and I figure they wouldn't be that willing to have her if she was a real problem child.

Here is hoping tomorrow we can help her sort some stuff out. 

I know since she has started her new school she would really like to stay where she is, but how she will manage VCE with all the family stuff going on I don't know.

Then of course our son will need to look at whether he is prepared to deal with all of this during his year 12 year.

I don't mean that to sound mean but he is only just 17 and she is his first g/f and this is some pretty heavy stuff for a teenager to deal with.  *sigh*

[crystal**flake]

I thank god my children weren't into relationships.

[catsnknots]

me too Crystal.... 

17 is too young to be having to deal with this type of relationship..... 

Do not invite her to live with you... your son needs to focus on this year... 

He also can learn to help without sacrificing his own needs.... guiding her to the right assistance is going to do so much more for her in the long run. 

[bella_again]

Just another thought Witches, don't know if someone mentioned it but why not make an appointment and have a word to either the school counsellor or principal. They won't be able to discuss the student but you will be able to put forward your concerns.  They can then investigate it further.

I know its difficult to know what to do but I'm just feeling quite concerned for the 5 yo (I'm just wired that way) who does not have the capacity to fend for himself if his mum gets in a drunken rage.

Hope everything works out.

[toon_town_nutter]

There are groups who help teenagers in this position. She would get an independent rate of youth allowance because her home with her mother is unsuitable living conditions. I know a group here sets them up in a flat and helps them by providing support. The school counsellor would likely know how to access these services. 

Honestly, I don't know where I'd be now if my inlaws hadn't taken me in at 17 😞 

[lis351]

I have to say, I would probably take her in too. It doesnt even have to be on a permanant basis does it?? Just the days things are really tough at home, during periods of stress like exam time.

[everything*that*i*ever*wanted]

Well the good news is she is staying at a friends house tonight so she is safe.  The bad news is she is sick 😞  Poor girl.

Anyway due to the teachers strike she has tomorrow off and if she is feeling better she plans to come over to our place.  So with luck we may be able to sit down with her and figure out what she would like to see happen.

Trish I am sure I am not getting the whole story but... still what kind of mother gets smashed off her face on grog and locks her daughter out of the house for 3 days and then tries to phone the daughters boyfriend to tell him what a biatch his g/f is?????  That is not normal parenting.

This girl has 2 other families who take her in when mum goes "nuts" and I figure they wouldn't be that willing to have her if she was a real problem child.

Here is hoping tomorrow we can help her sort some stuff out. 

I know since she has started her new school she would really like to stay where she is, but how she will manage VCE with all the family stuff going on I don't know.

Then of course our son will need to look at whether he is prepared to deal with all of this during his year 12 year.

I don't mean that to sound mean but he is only just 17 and she is his first g/f and this is some pretty heavy stuff for a teenager to deal with.  *sigh*

Totally agree with you. Would you like me to speak to my friend at RAFT and see what is available in VIC ?