Tommys Joke Page

[tommy.irene]

Tommys Joke Page 2015

[tommy.irene]

Hunting was a big disappointment this past weekend. After exiting the main road my navigation device said, "Bear left", so I just went home.

[tommy.irene]

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven." Mary answers, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!" The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this. "Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

The Greece Bailout Explained................. It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night. The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna. The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit. The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note. The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town. No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism. And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the Greek bailout package works!!

[tommy.irene]

Australian Prime Minister does it again!! Australia says NO -- This will be the second Time Julia Gillard has done this! She sure isn't backing down on her hard line stance and one has to appreciate her belief in the rights of her native countrymen. A breath of fresh air to see someone lead with guts and determination. The whole world needs a leader like this! Prime Minister Julia Gillard - Australia Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on Wednesday to get out of Australia, as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks. Separately, Gillard angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying she supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques. Quote: 'IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT... Take It Or Leave It. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians. 'This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom. 'We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language! 'Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.' 'We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us. 'This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, 'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'. 'If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country that accepted you. NOTE: IF we circulate this among ourselves in Canada & USA, WE will find the courage to start speaking and voicing the same truths.

[imastawka]

Keep up Tommy.  She hasn't been Prime Minister since 2013

We've had three Prime Ministers since her stint

[tommy.irene]

Husband:..... You will never succeed, in making that dog obey you. Wife:....... Nonsense! it's only a matter of patience, remember I had a lot of trouble with you at first as well..

[tommy.irene]

An attractive blonde arrived at the casino and bet twenty-thousand pounds on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, your Mummy needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching." MORAL OF THE STORY: Not all blondes are stupid, not all blondes are dumb, but all men are MEN.

[tommy.irene]

A man goes to bed and reaches over to his wife. He starts sliding his hand slowly across her back, shoulders, then down her side just glancing her breasts, and then carries on down her side and legs. He slides her legs apart and slowly runs his hand up and down her inner thigh. He moves back towards the top and stops. His wife opens her eyes and gasps, "Why did you stop?" He replies, "Found the remote ... Go back to sleep!"

[tommy.irene]

A cab driver reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven. Next in line is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow and says, "OK, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff." The preacher is shocked and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!" St. Peter responds matter-of-factly, "This is Heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."