Hi all,
hope everyone is ok,
love and caring thoughts for you all/
Missy,Pj,moo,bella,princess,jv,putney, and ALL you lovely people.
Its been raining here all day, i love the rain, i lay on my bed looking out the window just thinking about my mum, and son and thought about my mum and i jumping in puddles holding hands, singing our heads off, we did those things sometimes, and my baby boy, i wonderd how he was, what he would have looked like now if he had stayed on this earth, and i got up went out in the back yard and danced in the rain, crying my head off, i must have looked like an idiot but i tell you it helped me, i cried because, well sometimes i do and i feel awful, i dont feel the best most days but i try hard to keep my chin up and think about everyone that is so much more worse off than myself,
I think sometimes even if i do crazy things like dancing in the rain and crying helps me remember how much i loved my mum and how much she loved me. Even if i am 51, sometimes i still think about being her little girl, silly isnt it.
People tell me, i should not hurt because on the 4th it is my babies aniversary, he died of sids he has been gone for 26 yrs, although i am ok on that day, leading up to it is just awful, i wish it wasnt like this, i should celebrate his life not remember his death, but i do, and when the day has come i will be remembering my baby boy in silence,
my daughters egagement party is on the 4th, i told her i didnt mind andi dont, im sure Joshua would have loved his sister dearly, he wouldnt mind at all, he would want something positive to be remembered on this date. It will never stop me from missing him or crying,
sorry for the long winded dribble, i need to get it out or i will just simply explode with anger. I will get on with it i tell you i will, its just now, i hate now,
stay safe strong and thank you for being my cyber family
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