living by the river,
was constantly inquisitive,
abruptly interrogative, and
quickly pleased.
-
All day,
his friends and family would hear him saying,
“Look at that!”
“What are you?” and
“Wow! That’s great!”
All day.
-
And the time came for the frog
to leave the river and
to explore the great grassland plain nearby.
-
And the frog saw the stripiest thing he’d ever seen.
“Look at that!” he exclaimed!
“What are you?” he asked, somewhat abruptly.
-
A zebra looked up,
startled at the somewhat impersonal intrusion, and
then looked down, and
took kindly upon the frog, and said
-
“I am a zebra, and
“I am the luckiest animal alive,
“Cos all day, I loll around in the sunshine,
“gaze at the beautiful scenery, and
“chew upon the sweetest grasses.”
-
Then the zebra lowered her head to the frog, and added
“Knowing that if a lion should approach,
“I can run faster than he can, and that
“my stripes passing through the blades of grass will confuse him.”
-
“Wow! That’s great!” said the frog,
who hopped away before the zebra could say anymore.
-
But afterwards, the frog wondered
what a lion was and
why the zebra had mentioned it.
-
And the frog saw the tallest thing he’d ever seen.
“Look at that!” he exclaimed!
“What are you?” he asked, somewhat abruptly.
-
A giraffe looked up,
startled at the somewhat impersonal intrusion, and
then looked down, and
took kindly upon the frog, and said
-
“I am a giraffe, and
“I am the luckiest animal alive,
“Cos all day, I loll around in the sunshine,
“gaze at the beautiful scenery, and
“chew upon the sweetest leaves from the tops of trees that no other animal can reach.”
-
Then the giraffe lowered her head to the frog, and added
“Knowing that if a lion should approach,
“I can swing the horns on the head, at the top of my long neck, and
“knock out any lion that dares to attack.”
-
“Wow! That’s great!” said the frog,
who hopped away before the giraffe could say anymore.
-
But afterwards, the frog wondered
what a lion was and
why the giraffe had also mentioned it.
-
And the frog saw the hairiest mane and the biggest teeth on anything he’d ever seen.
“Look at that!” he exclaimed!
“What are you?” he asked, somewhat abruptly.
-
A lion looked up,
startled at the somewhat impersonal intrusion, and
then looked down, and
paid attention to the frog, and said
-
“I am a lion, and
“I am the luckiest animal alive,
“Cos all day, I loll around in the sunshine,
“enjoying the beautiful scenery,
“knowing that, I, am the king of the jungle!”
-
Then the lion lowered his head to the frog, and added
“And I eat wide mouthed frogs.”
-
“Wow! That’s great!” said the frog,
who then pursed his mouth and said
-
“You don’t see many of them around these days!”
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on 17-11-2014 02:56 PM
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad’s
farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating”.
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
“fascinate, not fascinating”.
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and
I was fascinated”.
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use
the word fascinate”.
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had
been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate” so she called on him. Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her
breasts are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
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on 17-11-2014 04:07 PM
Look again!
These are actually the backs of the barstools.
Shoulda gone to specsavers...![]()
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on 17-11-2014 07:27 PM
I wouldn't patronise a place that thought those seats were in any way appropriate.
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on 17-11-2014 09:07 PM
@lurker172602 wrote:
In real life I'd call that one out, and not come over as all grumpy and curmudgeonly, but because (in my hands anyway) the written word is a blunt instrument, I'll let it ride.
I wouldn't patronise a place that thought those seats were in any way appropriate.
'course you wouldn't.
Let it ride....mmmpppfffffhhhhahahaHAHAHA!
Oops sorry. Pun not intended I guess ![]()
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on 18-11-2014 09:48 AM
The wide mouthed frog joke
A wide mouthed frog,
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on 18-11-2014 02:16 PM
The cheechako bellied up to the bar at the Red Dog Saloon, and addressed his fellow patrons........
"I'm sick of being picked on for being a cheechako...........how do I become a sourdough?"
"Well," one of them said, "First you have to drink a gallon of whiskey"..........
"Then you have to kill a Kodiak bear," another interjected...........
"Finally," a third opined, "you have to have sex with an Eskimo woman."
The cheechako, bought a gallon jug of rotgut, proceeded to down it in its entirety, then staggered through the batwing doors out into the howling snow storm.
Three days later, he returned, his clothes ripped and torn, claw marks down his chest and back, and one ear ripped off. Once again he bellied up to the bar, and asked, "Now, where's that Eskimo woman you want me to kill?"
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on 19-11-2014 09:59 AM
BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS
YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT
OLD?
WELL......YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE!
MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GREY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
'YES, YES I DID. I'M A HOUGHTON LAD! 'HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE.
'WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?' I ASKED
HE ANSWERED, IN 1965. WHY DO YOU ASK?
THEN THE UGLY,
OLDBALD,
WRINKLED,
FAT **bleep**D,
GREY HAIRED, DECREPIT,**bleep**
ASKED..
DID YOU
TEACH?
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on 19-11-2014 11:30 AM
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on 11-12-2014 11:33 PM
|
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on 12-12-2014 01:52 AM
bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware he is
actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his
wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him, the
man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes his marriage is a shambles.