My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What’s worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job 14 years ago, he hasn’t even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and bull**** with his buddies, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn’t even pretend to like me, and even hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do?

Signed: Clueless

————————————————————

Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman! You don’t need him anymore! You’re a Senator from New York running for President of the United States. So act like one!!!

Harley and Vaseline.

 

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike but was having no luck. Then one day he saw a ‘For Sale’ sign on a pristine Harley. The sale was made and Joe wanted to know how the seller had kept a 10-year-old Harley in mint condition. “Easy” said the seller, I just smear Vaseline over the chrome bits of the bike if it’s outside and rain is on the way. The seller handed Joe a jar of Vaseline and told him to use it if it looked like rain was threatening.

 

That night Joe’s girlfriend, Sandra, said it was time for Joe to meet her parents. They rode the Harley over to meet the parents for tea. Before they went inside Sandra told Joe not to speak at the table. The rule was that whoever spoke had to wash the dirty dishes. “OK” said Joe. As they entered the house Joe noticed the piles of dirty dishes. Some in the lounge room; a huge pile in the kitchen and still more stacked in the corridor.   

                                     

They all sat at the table and ate dinner. No one spoke. Joe started to amuse himself with an idea. He got out of his chair, kissed Sandra and undressed her and made love to her on the table. The parents were lived and red-faced but remained silent. Joe looked at Sandra’s mother and thought she was still very attractive with a good figure. Joe grabbed her and undressed her and made love to her right there on the dinner table. Sandra was mortified and very upset. Sandra’s father wanted to scream out but managed to remain silent. Sandra’s mother had a very broad grin on her face.

 

Then all of a sudden a loud clap of thunder caused Joe to go into a panic. Fearing that rain was coming Joe took the jar of Vaseline out of Sandra’s handbag. Sandra’s father threw his hands in the air and said, “OK, I’ll do the f@#kin’ dishes.”

 

---

@village_person wrote:

Harley and Vaseline.

 

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike but was having no luck. Then one day he saw a ‘For Sale’ sign on a pristine Harley. The sale was made and Joe wanted to know how the seller had kept a 10-year-old Harley in mint condition. “Easy” said the seller, I just smear Vaseline over the chrome bits of the bike if it’s outside and rain is on the way. The seller handed Joe a jar of Vaseline and told him to use it if it looked like rain was threatening.

 

That night Joe’s girlfriend, Sandra, said it was time for Joe to meet her parents. They rode the Harley over to meet the parents for tea. Before they went inside Sandra told Joe not to speak at the table. The rule was that whoever spoke had to wash the dirty dishes. “OK” said Joe. As they entered the house Joe noticed the piles of dirty dishes. Some in the lounge room; a huge pile in the kitchen and still more stacked in the corridor.   

                                     

They all sat at the table and ate dinner. No one spoke. Joe started to amuse himself with an idea. He got out of his chair, kissed Sandra and undressed her and made love to her on the table. The parents were lived and red-faced but remained silent. Joe looked at Sandra’s mother and thought she was still very attractive with a good figure. Joe grabbed her and undressed her and made love to her right there on the dinner table. Sandra was mortified and very upset. Sandra’s father wanted to scream out but managed to remain silent. Sandra’s mother had a very broad grin on her face.

 

Then all of a sudden a loud clap of thunder caused Joe to go into a panic. Fearing that rain was coming Joe took the jar of Vaseline out of Sandra’s handbag. Sandra’s father threw his hands in the air and said, “OK, I’ll do the f@#kin’ dishes.”

 

---

 

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you, " the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children
with me!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind."

"Thank you for taking all of us with you.

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."


Come on now...you really didn't think there was such a thing as a heart-warming lawyer
story...did you????

I have one or two originals from  the past CW posting days. :

 

"Well, I think 3 Pinks showing up to our fist lunch was a reward"