(((Amy)))

so i did my weekly phone call to mum last night.
Things are a bit stressful and upsetting for me at the moment and i told mum all about it and i started crying.
She made no noise.
I ended up getting quite upset and said "i dont know why i bother to do these calls as you never make any noise for me anymore and they are just making me feel worse".
She made no noise.

Later that night i called dad and asked how mum was and he said, well she was alright while you were on the phone to her wasnt she.
I said "how the heck would i know, she makes no sound. She doesnt even cry anymore even when im crying to her on the phone."
His response was "Why are you crying on the phone?"
I said "Ive got a lot going on thats stressing and upsetting me lately"
He said ' "Dont know why you would be stressed or upset, youve got life easy"
To that i kinda exploded saying "Just because im not there going through what you are, doesnt mean my life is any easier. It doesnt mean i dont have hard times. It doesnt mean i cant be upset. It doesnt mean i cant have other things going on that are upsetting me".

Things were a bit tense after that and we hung up not long after

Hi amy,you don't know me but i have read your thread from the first page up till your last post,I'm so sorry that your dad just dos'nt get how upset and hurt you are.Just because your not there in person to deal with your mum dosn't mean she is ever far from your thoughts.

I'm glad all the lovely people here can offer you support and strength.Don't forget there is only so much you can do from so far away, you are an amazing daughter and person.

Libby.

Its probably no comfort to you but deep down your Dad probably does realise you are hurting and have very genuine reasons to be upset. Mostly likely, at the moment he is taking his anger at the situation with your Mum out on you. Its not fair but human nature being what it is means we often lash out at those closest to us. Maybe we feel they will always be there, I don't know.

However, unfair as it is, if you can not take on his comments and each time he does it think to yourself, 'he's feeling angry and helpless. He knows life is tough for me too', it might help. He's a bit like the hubbies that had a bad day at work and comes home in a foul mood and takes it out on his wife.

You could also make a point of saying to him, as soon as he starts, even if you interrupt his flow of words, 'Dad I'm am not listening to this Goodbye' and hang up he may get the message that you won't tolerate his anger.

I'm another one who went back and read your story from the beginning. My thoughts are with you.Look after yourself.:-x

thankyou for your kind words libby and flame.
Last nights call with him did go better because i didnt bother trying to talk about any of my problems.
Its just hard, when i was having problems with things, i would talk to Mum.
I miss that

Hi Amy...
I read this thread about your mum alot and even tho it makes me cry every time, I still come back.
Both my parents died very close together from Mesothelioma (asbestosis), my lovely mums 1st year anniversary of when she passed away will be at the end of August, my dad's was in April.
I just felt like I needed to come in here and finally write something, not on the pretext of trying to make everything better for you, because I know that's impossible;.. short of your mum waking up, nothing can help the way you feel. But I've always felt that where there is life there is hope in your heart, there is the chance of still talking to her, touching and hugging her and feeling the warmth of holding her hand. Your dad is feeling this too. There is no stronger bond in the whole world than a parents love for their children and there are no stronger memories in a child's heart than how their parents love them and protect them and how they are always there for them no matter how far apart they are. And it really doesn't matter how old we get, we are always little children to our mum's and dad's...and our parents are always that safe place were we know we are always loved no matter what's going on in the world.
Your mums heart is still gently beating and she loves you, and your dad loves you...and I'm sure he understands deep down the hopelessness you feel. When there is something so heartwrenching going on in your life even small things seem huge, good and bad things.
I still can't even look at photo's of my mum and dad but I keep my favourite picture of them together in my drawer next to my bed, upside down under my diary so I don't accidently see it, but I know it's there, and it may seem silly but I talk to them in my mind, picturing this photo in my head.
Our memories are ours only.....and you should believe that your mum is fighting the hardest she can to stay here with your all.

Amy...those are beautiful words that holycow has written...both my parents have passed...but...I too talk with them...in my heart...your Mum is surely trying her best to come back to you...keep the hope in that...I know its very hard for you...and...I know you are a wonderful daughter...you should be very proud of yourself for doing all you can for your Dad...I'm sure he appreciates you...even when you think he doesn't...take care of yourself...I'll keep lighting the candles...one is always lit for you...

...just stopping by to say...always know that you are in my thoughts...

Peace and Blessings...Sylvia

Thinking of you Amy♥

Amy...just stopping by to say...y'all are in my thoughts...I'll keep lighting candles for your Mum...take time for yourself, Amy...you are a wonderful daughter...
Peace to you, Amy...
Sylvia