For anyone reading this having similar issues, here is some guidance gained from my experience:
1. Do everything via the chat system. You need written records of what Ebay has said. The phone service is abysmal and you are unlikely to ever get a call back from a supervisor. Keep all chat transcripts, which Ebay will email you.
2. Chat will look at the messages between you and the seller whilst you are in chat....make sure that you make every effort to have shown yourself to be as informative and pro-active as you possibly could be. If there is nothing or very little from you in chat, that will go against you. If there is plenty from you but little or nothing from the seller, that will go against them. Might not change the outcome but it's good to do everything correctly if you can and this seems to matter to Ebay more than I thought.
3. Ultimately Ebay has strict rules on how a case proceeds and no amount of incredibly bad behaviour by the seller throughout the purchase and subsequent case, is going to mean that Ebay will over-ride the case in your favour before the hold is over. If they say that the case is on hold, even if it means that the seller just has time to mess you around even more, you just have to wear it and wait for each hold period to close. Ebay cannot do anything about it and believe me, I tried.
4. Above all, as the regulars on here keep telling people.....whilst Ebay encourages the two parties to sort things out between them, only ever try that for a day or two and certainly never close to an expiry date for you to open a case. Open a case very shortly after item not received by the due date/item not as described/arrived DOA and then vigilantly stay on top of that case and NEVER allow a seller to bs you or persuade you not to open a case...they are likely stalling until it becomes too late for you to open a case.
5. Check the seller's location in their About page. If it doesn't match with the item location, check their negs and neutral feedbacks for something like "item was supposed to be located in Sydney but came from China and took forever to get here". Many sellers in China actually do have items in Australia at warehouses who send out on their behalf, nothing wrong with that. Just be aware of the difference between the two types of sellers in China.
6. If you must buy directly from sellers in China and know that to be the case, then have a look on AliExpress for the exact same item, same pictures etc, which can often be cheaper with quite possibly the same sellers as on Ebay. You can pay with PayPal so you have the usual guarantees from them.
7. Read the neg and neutral feedbacks before buying and choose the seller with the highest percentage (above 99% if possible) anything less than about 98% keep looking if you have alternatives.
High numbers of negs in the last 12 months should be an instant warning to you, even if they are for high volume sellers.
If there are even a few comments along the lines of "they never answered messages, very difficult to communicate with" walk away because they will likely do the same to you if there is an issue.
