Amy, I have been following this thread since it started, but not posted for some time now.

I have been around long enough to have some experience of elderly men (my grandchildren are older than your children).

Most of them are so wrapped up in themselves they have no idea that they are hurting those they love.  They just expect things to revolve round them.

Several years after my mother died I was hospitalised for 4 days.  I had promised to go to my father's place to do some mending for him so it was necessary to let him know where I was. I got my OH to ring my eldest daughter to go and tell him (OH is not known for breaking news gently) and his response was...well, who is going to sew my buttons on?  The hospital was only 5 minutes away from his place but he could not come to visit me, even though he was still driving regularly for shopping etc.

As soon as I arrived home I rang him, only to be asked when I would be down to do his mending (I only live 2 blocks away from him but could not walk that far at the time) and I was also informed that he would not ring me but would wait for someone to tell him how I was progressing.

So yes, I do understand what you are going through. I don't know what the answer is, but it will,probably not improve much unless you can find some way of getting through to your father.  You may just have to resign yourself to the fact that he is a typical man.