Thanks Jen and bella, I just feel so sad and a tad sickish in the tum, tis sort of hard to come to grips with and mr beam is feeling the same.
I do not know exactly what to feel,revulsion is one word and then shock and disbelief even though I know it is true, anyway I will get past it!
Off to see some of my seniors today so that will cheer me up and no doubt I will get my chrissie pressies of soap and washer/hankies lol
I still have not used all last years, God love em:)