Omfg OP. I'm sorry you've copped this, but I laughed for a full 2-3 minutes after reading that.

They cannot be serious. I'd really like you to copy your post to 'The Checkout' (show on ABC, they adore this stuff)

http://www.abc.net.au/tv/thecheckout/tipoffs/

Truly, please do it, this is beyond nonsense.