if a buyer isn't happy with their item then it helps me to know why, and I dont think there's anything wrong with sending one (non-accusatory) message in an attempt to find out/solve the problem

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Agreed and that is what I wanted to know - why? I thought she must have been unhappy with the postage time, as the item is one of my most popular and it wasn't my first thought that the item would be the problem.

I guess I was a little shocked by the vitriolic response and tried to calm things down by sending another email but it didn't go down as I intended and in the end she just ranted sending email after email even though I stopped replying.