I'm sorry you're having a rough trot. Mean people make me sad. It's so trustrating.

I recently had a seller email to cancel an order the moment the auction finished. (Wouldn't it be funny if this was our mutual transaction!)

They emailed me to say they had forgotten to put the postage on. Okay, good, thanks for letting me know.

What they didn't do, however, was formally cancel the sale. So the item kept sitting in my "To pay" list and every time I had to click it away so I wouldn't pay for... until the day about two weeks later I thought I'd clicked it away, but hadn't, and so paid.

Feeling like a nong, I had to message my seller, explain that I'd accidentally paid and ask them to initiate the formal cancel and refund. They were nice and did it ASAP.

Our experiences sound a bit different, though - as if your buyer deliberately ignored your advice and paid just to be a pain. That could have been avoided by formally cancelling the sale.

I can't give good advice about using the auto non-payer dispute tool - I don't sell enough or the types of items that would warrant turning it on.

Good luck with your business!