Fastways are a joke. Now this wouldn't be a huge problem for me, except that Ebay in all their wisdom have somehow seen fit to use these clowns as the/an Australian delivery agent for their Global Shipping Program. Let's see.... my parcel arrived in Melbourne three weeks ago according to their **bleep** tracking site. Not a worry, they could have easily delivered my parcel. But nope, instead these dickheads had it moved up to the Sydney depot where it has since vanished into thin air.

When you try and call them, you get a call centre in what sounds like the Phillipines to me. The people on the other end by my score run at 1 out of every 5 who can understand english. What happens with the other 4 I hear you ask?? Well, two of them tell you that they don't know where your parcel is and not to call back as they can't help. The other 2 simply keep on asking the same questions over and over again that I'm guessing they read from some sort of script and when you answer them OVER AND OVER AND OVER they simply say they can't understand and eventually simply hang up on you. Oh and as for the champ that actually does understand english?? He simply lies stating that they haven't received my parcel despite it showing up on their system on their own bloody website.

Now luckily these dickheads happen to have a depot that is only a 15 minute drive from my place, not so I can go and pick up my own **bleep**ing parcel, but because it means that I can go and pay these idiots a visit and hopefully goad someone into trying to throw a punch at me so I can legally give them a decent flogging.

Oh and if by some mad twist of fate someone from Ebay happens to be reading this?? Get your act together, take a look at the reviews your Aussie agents are getting and maybe consider changing over to someone who will actually do the job (oh and a touch of English comprehension wouldn't go astray either??)

If you happen to be one of the gronks defending these dip**bleep**s, go and find a deep body of water somewhere and have a crank at breathing underneath it...