In the style of a shoutie ad...

THE INTERNET WAS DOWN. EBAY WAS DOWN. DOWN, DOWN, DOWN! AND ALL THE WAY DOWN!

YOU KNOW THE NETWORK. IT DOESN'T WORK. NETWORK, NOT WORK, NETWORK, NOT WORK. DOWN, DOWN, DOWN! UPLOADS, DOWNLOADS, SIDEWAY LOADS, ALL THE LOADS DOWN!

GET YOUR SHOUT IN BEFORE IT ALL GOES UP AGAIN.