I agree, I had a person overbidding on an item. I couldn't let them know. I had to refund (at my cost) and the re list.

What do you mean?  If somebody bids on your item you can see who they are and you can contact them through eBay message. 

If you do not want people to know what you are buying set your account FB as private, you will not be able to sell on that account, but that is OK, it is best to have separate accounts for buying and selling anyway.