If you're like me and can't download defect reports (I keep getting the congratulations message), you can find out from the Detailed Seller Rating reports in the seller dashboard, but it's a long drawn out process.

First you have to find 10 listings where you know you got 5 stars for each DSR, then go through all your other item numbers 1 by one to finally find out who left the low ratings. 

I can leave instructions on how to do it if you're interested.

I still haven't heard back from my buyer yet. My defect rate is currently 0.36%, so I don't think another defect is going to hurt things too much. Same with a neg if I get it. Sure, I'll be upset about it, but the rest of my feedback is all good, so I can't imagine it will upset the apple cart too much.

I don't even think I'll add her to my BBL, because I think what she's saying may be 100% correct. I have altered the listings for similar items to reflect what she told me, so she might have done me a favour in that respect! I doubt she'd buy from me again, but you never know. One item she was really happy with.

I did send her another message asking if she wanted a partial refund and to keep the items, so the ball is in her court now.