Adult Son living at home ~ Chores/Helping out around the house questions

[witches*wol]

Okay well in Jan our eldest son will turn 18.  He will be hopefully going to Uni to do a degree in IT.

All very welll and good, now my question is "What do you expect from your adult kids who are studying (so not earning a real income) and living at home when it comes to helping around the house?"

At age 17 (finishing year 12) he does chores around the house (well when he is here and not out with his g/f I mean).  He cleans the birds cage, hangs out washing, sweeps the floors, unloads the dishwasher, empties the bin.  He gets $17 per week pocket money which obviously he wont be getting once he turns 18, because being the mean mother that I am, I actually expect him to get off his butt and get a part-time job.  Is it reasonable for us to expect him to still do stuff around the house?  (I think it is but am looking for other people's experience and advice)  Or do we treat him like a house guest and just do everything for him (Not an idea I am even remotely comfortable with) Or do we just treat it like he is in a shared house and he does his own cooking, laundry etc and only has to clean his own room, bathroom and nothing much else.

It is sooo bloody complicated, and that is without adding the g/f to the picture who says things like "Oh he's only doing chores he shoud be here with me"   **pouts, throws self on bed in huff**   I'm sure you get the picture.

So folks what advice do you have for me????  {And me running away from home is apparently NOT an option according to Mr Witches!}

[twinkles**stars]

At 18 he's still a teenager lol

Yes he should be doing chores / helping out wherever possible and within reason.

[*elizabeths-mum*]

Definitely reasonable! I think get him ready for moving out (when it is time) so as if he is in a share house, but choosing the things which also suit you and family. It's a good time for him to learn to do his own washing and cooking a meal a week and shopping for the ingredients. They are the basics which spring to mind and our mr 17 does on top of (theoretically) keeping his room clean. He is pretty agreeable to do other jobs as well when asked but doesn't have a girlfriend yet, which probably makes a lot if difference. 🙂

[witches*wol]

Oh Elizabeths-mum let me tell you having the g/f has been a real eye opening experience.  I have never come accross such an "entitled" person in my life as this young lady is. 

[cherry*135]

At 18 legally classifed as an adult.

My daughter lives at home, works part-time and goes to Uni full time. She doesn't do much around the house (does her own washing & cleans her room (occasionally!)) as she is so busy. She also does some volunteer work, and is spending a day a week (traveling up to an hour each way) being mentored by a professional in her chosen field for a few weeks.

[meh_too]

I'd be sorting the g/f out first.  It's you home afterall.

[azureline**]

Chores are usually shared in families........aren't they? we have none living at home but when they visit, they do stuff for us............ bring in washing, stack dishwasher, cook, tidy up after their children, help them put stuff away.............. take rubbish to tip, do greenwaste..........even mow sometimes.

[shoptilludroptara]

hi

they should be doing alot

they can feed animals,take out rubbish.clean their rooms and bathroom

do their own washing,do dishes,go to the shop for u.hang washing out,bring it in.iron

vaccum,mop,do windows,basically help u out

why should u do it all

and the girlfriend needs to mind her business.u are in charge and basically paying for everything

(if she not happy give her something to do as well LOL)

the least he can do is contribute with chores

mine all do and no complaints(not that i will listen too LOL)

mine also help cook as well,i teach them what they need to know

tara

[bright.ton42]

I agree with the others, he definitely shold be doing some chores around the house as at 18 he is an 

adult.  If he was living with his g/f she'd uprobably make him do everything, and I'm not joking, and he'd do it 

willingly as it's g/f. Why should be a mother get less?

It is you who sets the boundaries as it's your house he's living in, and the g/f should have no 

say in the matter. 

Of course there will be times when he's flat out and you will want to help him out but don't make it a 

habit.  It's really not complicated, just set the boundaries and keep to them. 

Good for him wanting to get a part time job too.  

[witches*wol]

Thanks for the replys so it looks like chores should still be expected even though he will be an adult.

I still did chores when I was an adult living at home - mind you 8 months after I turned 18 I left home and was living on the other side of the city fending for myself.

The g/f is a whole other issue.  She comes from the family from hell and is not able to live at home so we've had a number of issues there.  She is his first g/f and a year behind him at school although they are the same age.  I wonder how things will pan out once he goes off to Uni and work and she is still at school.