Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

[kengillard]

I and 2 other neighbours have been made ....by default....  responsible for our neighbours health.  She's been sent home from hospital after 10 days, having spent a day and a night in the rain on the concrete outside her back door. After I found her, I called the ambulance who tried to get her to come with them....refused...police were called...  had her stomach drained of fluid.   Sent home on Friday last...had another fall on Saturday....went to see her this morning..she had another fall and ambulance took her to hospital again.

Because she's so stubborn and negative...72.....they can't help her unless she agrees....meanwhile they send her home to an empty house............cos she told them "my friend and my neighbours will look after me."    

It's ridiculous....we are not responsible for her welfare.  she has a son up north that she refuses to be notified as her next of kin. 

So that leaves us 3...should she come home again.  I'm  looking after her 2 dogs and others are feeding and watering her geese etc..

Surely there's some agency or other that can step in?   

Any suggestions anyone.  I don't mind helping but this is getting ridiculous.  How long does she have to lie out/in before someone finds her (prob me)...before anyone will do anything definite to save her from herself?

[azureline**]

I think that generation is scared of being placed in a nursing home. Losing her animals may also be a factor as well as her mental state.

They don't have a clue that they aren't managing.

[cherry*135]

Being an alcoholic, might not want to be cut of from supply... if in a retirement home or longer stay in hospital.

[green.fields]

She actually is imposing on and using you. You need to make it known, (even if you have to go down) to the hospital that you can not and will not look after her and you need to tell her. Some old people are crafty, cunning and users and as long as you and your friend pick up the pieces she will not ask family for help. I find it hard to believe there is not a social worker at the hospital.

I can empathise with someone not willing to co-operate for their own benefit, my Mil is one of those, however they need to assess this lady and try to put things in place for her to help her.

You don't have to totally abandon her, you can still check on her from time to time.

[1966kelso]

If she still has dressings and leaking wounds I would expect a community nurse to show up at some stage to change them. Perhaps you can keep an eye out for him/her and have a word in their ear

[the_hawk*]

---

@kengillard wrote:

I've been wel aware of her manipulate games for some time .....but she's still a human being who is depending on me....not through any fault of mine.  seems the hospital has a LOT to answer for.  sending her home with no support except her "friends and neighbours".  she has an unhealed wound in her stomach where she had the tap draining the fluid..has bed sores, and dressings on her elbows that need changing...not good enough I don't think. Went to visit her the day she came home Friday, and her slacks and t shirt were wet from the wound still leaking....????

---

sounds like a good one foe today tonight to follow up about the lack of care by a public hospital and the plight of the elderly

[acacia_pycnantha]

I once called an ambulance for my elderly neighbour who had had more than a few too many, and when the ambulance came she sent it away, and they went away because she refused their help.

What more can you do?

[azureline**]

Nothing..... you cannot force anyone to accept care, they can discharge themselves from hospital, refuse an ambulance and also refuse to allow anyone inside their home. The only person who can do so is a Guardian and there are legal processes involved.That is why the son should be told.

[soul_art]

((gil))

What a difficult situation for you, must be emotionally draining for you and the other neighbours.  Being humans, most people couldn't just leave her be and not check on her or worry about her but something needs to be done.

I really don't know how the hospital, police etc can do anything if she refuses help or even if they can contact her son, when she has said she doesn't want that to happen?

If their hands are tied the only other thing I could think of doing would be contacting your local member, ringing or emailing....email might be better as you can explain things in more detail.  Whether he/she can do anything ?  I don't know but there must be something in place for situations like this.

Some elderly people become so very selfish and think the world revolves around them.  I hope you have some luck with sorting this out today.

[catsnknots]

I have seen stubborn alcoholics in hospital and the grief they cause everyone... from the people that care for them to the family that watch them die. 

Gill you are a caring and thoughtful person that is not going to be angry with this lady like family or carers would be. You are going to allow her to stay in her home and will be her carer by default. You have taken this burden upon yourself without realising what was coming. 

Professionals have no choice but to walk away from these people as there are plenty of others waiting for their help. 

I think you are going to have to be strong and tell this lady that you will only stop in once a week to see how she is and do your best to not think of her during those other times. 

Elderly alcoholics are not nice to have to care for.... stubborn, angry. addicted, riddled with medical issues and usually some form of brain damage. 

[kengillard]

Well.   she came home at 8 last night...she's on the DVA Pension so they will pay for it. Rang me at 8.45 to tell me she was home...good thing I was still awake.   Rang at 7.30 this morning to tell me "she was still in the land of the living" and had been ordered to take herself and a letter from the hospital doctor to her doctor first thing this morning.   So I''m taking her.....when she rings me and tells me the time of the appointment.  Also told me she was going to mow her front yard with a push mower....I said if you can't walk how can you do that (wants us to pick up a walking stick and a walker from the chemist) and she replied she'd use the mower as a walker!  I think reality is not included here.  Am going to try and find her son today.  First stop the police...not holding out much hope tho.