One in Three (or One in Two): The untold story of male victims of family/domestic violence

[4c4sale]

This is a seriously undertold story, and this website is a good place to learn the truth about the staggering number of male victims of domestic abuse in Australia:

http://www.oneinthree.com.au/

Men are MUCH less likely (three times less likely it seems) to report being battered and attacked by their female partners than women who are attacked by men, and further, men have less support if they do speak out.

Men may face scorn, derision and disbelief when they report being abused.

If one considers the vastly lower reporting of these incidents by men, and combines this with the higher number of women who abuse children, it arises that women - not men - are the majority domestic abusers in Australia, Great Britain and the United States.

Time to start spreading this truth, and working for change on BOTH sides of the gender equation.

[4c4sale]

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@steppefjordwyfe10 wrote:

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@4c4sale wrote:

It's notable that denial takes many forms, and asserts itself via various means.

Thanks for staying on topic, Step!

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You're more than welcome.

A very important topic.  And I wasn't aware the problem was as big as it is and the help for males as little as it is.

A worthy thread and topic and thanks for enlightening us all 4c.  

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Thanks, Step.

The reaction is quite something, isn't it?

[4c4sale]

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@steppefjordwyfe10 wrote:

Incorrect.  

I made zero mistakes.

The number 75 was stated as 75 males that died from domestic homicides from 2008-2010, it was accurate and credible and substantiated.  

It is as simple as that.  It can't be twisted into something it isn't, no matter how many times it is tried.

The fact remains.

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Yes.

Why don't fact and reality suffice for some?

It brings up some tough questions, doesn't it?

[karliandjacko]

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@4c4sale wrote:

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@polksaladallie wrote:

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@punch*drunk wrote:

I don't understand the relevance of homicide figures as a reflection of whether women or men are the main perpetrators of domestic violence. Violence is not always physical, in fact I believe most of it is not, and I would imagine the percentage of domestic violence that led to death is so ridiculously small as to not even factor into any figures.

I doubt we will ever know the true figures of men v women when it comes to domestic violence, its so much harder for a victim to speak about and report psychological abuse. Physical scars can be seen and there's automatic sympathy for the victim. People that have been psychologically abused have different scars and its much harder to make people understand the horror that they have been through. Its hard for the psychologically abused to put into words what they have experienced because they have been so damaged, yet to access services they have to rehash the whole horrible story over and over. It doesn't really surprise me that people are afraid and embarrassed to seek help, men in particular.

This is just my opinion but I think men would be the main perpetrators of physical abuse, but I think there would be a much higher rate of psychologically abused men than most would think.

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You are joking?  One woman each week in Australia?  Ridiculously small?   If it was one man each week, there would be an outcry and money poured into a solution.

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It's one man every 10 days.

No outcry.

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Where is there one man killed by his partner every 10 days?

[polksaladallie]

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@4c4sale wrote:

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@polksaladallie wrote:

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@4c4sale wrote:

This is a seriously undertold story, and this website is a good place to learn the truth about the staggering number of male victims of domestic abuse in Australia:

http://www.oneinthree.com.au/

Men are MUCH less likely (three times less likely it seems) to report being battered and attacked by their female partners than women who are attacked by men, and further, men have less support if they do speak out.

Men may face scorn, derision and disbelief when they report being abused.

If one considers the vastly lower reporting of these incidents by men, and combines this with the higher number of women who abuse children, it arises that women - not men - are the majority domestic abusers in Australia, Great Britain and the United States.

Time to start spreading this truth, and working for change on BOTH sides of the gender equation.

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You steered the topic to intimate partner violence in your opening post, therefore misrepresenting the statistics, then later you and others have changed it into domestic violence (which means something quite different).   Then you are surprised that others question the figures.

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Boys are often abused by their mothers, or aren't you factoring that into domestic violence? You really should, of course.

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Under 15 is classed as child abuse, and included in the wider number of violence stats. (See Post # 208 for deaths). 15 and over is included in the domestic violence stats, not in the intimate partner violence, which has been clearly demonstrated here for those who don't get it, as two separate stats.

[ruloinfovoter]

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@4c4sale wrote:

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@steppefjordwyfe10 wrote:

Incorrect.  

I made zero mistakes.

The number 75 was stated as 75 males that died from domestic homicides from 2008-2010, it was accurate and credible and substantiated.  

It is as simple as that.  It can't be twisted into something it isn't, no matter how many times it is tried.

The fact remains.

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Yes.

Why don't fact and reality suffice for some?

It brings up some tough questions, doesn't it?

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Maybe they've got nothing else and/or it is more comfortable, (cognitive dissonance)?

[bluecat*dancing · Accepted solution]

So, what have you done or will be doing to assist men who are victims of domestic violence? It shouldn't be a competition as to which gender suffers the most - that is counter-productive and divisive  - but more about creating awareness based on empirical evidence. ALL domestic violence is horrendous regardless of whether you are female or male.

[polksaladallie]

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@bluecat*dancing wrote:

So, what have you done or will be doing to assist men who are victims of domestic violence? It shouldn't be a competition as to which gender suffers the most - that is counter-productive and divisive  - but more about creating awareness based on empirical evidence. ALL domestic violence is horrendous regardless of whether you are female or male.

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Or young or old.  (I have done my share as regards the young).

[4c4sale]

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@steppefjordwyfe10 wrote:

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@4c4sale wrote:

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@steppefjordwyfe10 wrote:

Incorrect.  

I made zero mistakes.

The number 75 was stated as 75 males that died from domestic homicides from 2008-2010, it was accurate and credible and substantiated.  

It is as simple as that.  It can't be twisted into something it isn't, no matter how many times it is tried.

The fact remains.

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Yes.

Why don't fact and reality suffice for some?

It brings up some tough questions, doesn't it?

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Maybe they've got nothing else and/or it is more comfortable, (cognitive dissonance)?

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It's a tough truth to accept, and one tends to see denial, derailment, obfuscation and attempts to "kill the messenger" in such instances.

Obsessive attention to statistically small portions of the larger tragic picture as well.

Unfortunate, as ALL domestic abuse is tragic, and denying that denies both the abusers and their victims the help they need.

[4c4sale]

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@bluecat*dancing wrote:

So, what have you done or will be doing to assist men who are victims of domestic violence? It shouldn't be a competition as to which gender suffers the most - that is counter-productive and divisive  - but more about creating awareness based on empirical evidence. ALL domestic violence is horrendous regardless of whether you are female or male.

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Great post, BC!

[ruloinfovoter · Accepted solution]

Like I said, I wasn't aware that it was as large a problem as it is.  I'm glad you put some sunlight on it.

Besides 4c, you never know, I bet it has done some good in spite of all the denial and every other tactic employed.