What do you do with your extra salt?

[digital*ghost]

I promise this is related to selling, but it's also a diversionary tactic (for me), because I have a habit of using it to sprinkle an unhealthy does of snark into a message and I don't want to do that this time 🤣

What strategies do you employ when you are seriously angry at a customer, but it's not worth the time or energy to do anything but try to let it go and move on? 

I'm genuinely interested in some new things to try other than "quitely seethe until I vent or get over it", lol.

Will check back later for some handy hints, as I'm definitely getting my keister off the internet for a while (for the curious, there isn't really an interesting story here, I'm just super salty over a some wasted time and money). 

[gumleaf_goodies]

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@digital*ghost wrote:

Thanks 🙂 I'll get over it eventually at least, lol, the stock price was ok, I just had to buy a lot of it to get the size they were requesting (normally with this kind of item, I buy 10-30k pcs at a time and that will last a few months on average, the MOQ on this one was 100k pcs and it was basically just marginally bigger than the standard size I stock, to suit a specific project they had in mind. I guess at least I won't be running out of them any time soon. 😂

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My mind is boggling over the quantities you stated - and simply cannot imagine what sort of items you are buying.

[digital*ghost]

Apologies in advance, I hope it helps even though I remain pretty vague.

They're just some common craft supplies, the kind of thing where a project might call for only one or two, or it could need thousands - I tend to sell them in packs ranging from 50-500 pcs, depending on the size. 

100k sounds like a lot, I know, but the package weight was 20kg, if that puts it in perspective (that is, a package of 200pcs - which is how I'll sell them -  is only going to weigh around 40g. The only reason I paid so much for the ones I got were due to the material and getting a higher quality cut on them. They can be cut by machine but you get a lower quality end result and isn't suitable for my customers, so I got these cut by hand. As you can imagine, that skyrockets the price on a scale like this). 

[cezm · Accepted solution]

My son always reminds me that the cause of my angst doesn't

a) know that I'm upset

b) care that I'm upset

so the only person affected is me

I try to remember that and let it go - after a good rant!

[countessalmirena · Accepted solution]

We've all probably had experiences that are similar to that in some way, digital*ghost!

Of course, as an eBay buyer rather than seller, my experiences aren't parallel, and they are in different fields, but I have certainly had people waste my time and try to dump me into the midden pit of their unkept promises!

I have written letters and emails that I never sent. Just getting something said (but not sending it) can help a little. I can then use the communication that I didn't send as a springboard for something kinder and less throat-ripping, until finally I re-read what I have and am satisfied that it's okay to send.

I have stormed dramatically to myself, with full Shakespearean fury.

I have sat down and read through the communications, from the first to the last, and jotted down where I probably went wrong. Too kind? Too trusting? Too wishful of being helpful to people in trouble? I ruthlessly delineate where I had an opportunity to back away, and any signs that indicated that it would be best to back away. I use all of that information to come up with additions to my personal policies, and look at my contract information and terms of engagement and so on. I edit anything that in my judgement needs to be edited. I edit my email template responses to particular requests/situations if it's warranted. I try to use the bad experience to refine my future dealings.

In general, people who have wasted my time will not know just how annoying they've been, and there's little point in my telling them. People - all of us - we all tend to see things from our own perspective, which means there's a filter and an advocate for their own behaviour. I am unlikely to change other people's behaviour, so after the Sturm und Drang of my immediate reaction, I try to wax philosophical about the experience and learn from it, all the better to avoid a similar situation from occurring in future.

[digital*ghost]

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@countessalmirena wrote:

I try to wax philosophical about the experience and learn from it, all the better to avoid a similar situation from occurring in future.

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It's not really possible, because I'm also trying to avoid taking people's money and not being able to follow through - I've been in that situation a few times, and I hate it more than I hate this situation, lol, and even though I (potentially) wouldn't be conscious  of the situation, I'd hate it even more if I gave someone something like an 8 week wait time for goods to come in, something happens to me at some point, leaving me incapacitated (or worse) and they wait beyond the time anything can be done for them. 

Slightly (maybe) tangentially related:

Here's a story for the books (and it's not intended as a fable or proof me not taking a deposit is a good way to practice business - if anything here is a cautionary tale for other sellers, it's the story above, not below, I at least recognise that 🤣 ).

Nearly five years ago, I had a client that I regularly made a lot of custom jewellery for - they tended to spend a couple hundred each order, and I made quite a few pieces for them over time.

Eventually, they asked for some custom pieces made in a more expensive material (niobium, gorgeous metal, especially when anodized, and not all that cheap - normally, I would have requested a deposit in this case, and I have when people asked for custom pieces in sterling or gold, but they were a long term, high-value client, so I didn't - I bet you can guess where this is going... 😂).

I spent a few hundred getting the material in, made a sample showing them what they had in mind would look like, and.... I never heard from them again. Same feelings, same response, same coping mechanism as before, no attempt to communicate further with the client. 

Eventually, I took the material, got some argentium silver and made a really nice piece of my own design that I then listed on a site for quite a princely sum (it is still the most expensive piece I've ever put up for sale, including the sterling / gold pieces I've made in the past). 

It took 4 years before it sold, never reduced it even one cent, lol. As I was prepping it for packing and posting, I took a look at the order details, and it was the client who had commissioned the niobium piece in the first place.

Occasionally people redeem themselves, if you wait long enough, I guess. (But I still don't intend that to be the moral of any of my stories - that's still, get deposits,  fools! 😂 )

[colic2bullsgirlore · Accepted solution]

I read poetry

Frustration
by Dorothy Parker

If I had a shiny gun,
I could have a world of fun
Speeding bullets through the brains
Of the folk who give me pains;

Or had I some poison gas,
I could make the moments pass
Bumping off a number of
People whom I do not love.

But I have no lethal weapon-
Thus does Fate our pleasure step on!
So they still are quick and well
Who should be, by rights, in hell.

[springyzone · Accepted solution]

Okay, I understand completely why you are seriously angry, but I don't think you should just quietly seethe or 'move on'.

There is a middle ground between doing nothing and going ballistic.

What I'd be doing is writing a polite message. Polite in that you don't go calling the person a  jerk or making any comment about their character, much as you might like to (and be entitled to, actually).

Put the emphasis on yourself and how you feel. Disappointed, seriously let down and financially affected. Outline the basic facts of what you did in good faith for them, step by step.

Mention it is the biggest thing you have done for someone.

Make no demands. Just leave it at that. Phrase it as advice for the future, just so they are aware.

People can often make excuses for their own behaviour and they can gloss over in their mind how it could have any effect on the other person. We see that all the time here in posts where buyers haven't always really understood why sellers weren't happy to just cancel at the drop of a hat etc. They didn't realise what extra work they put sellers to (I know that aspect is changing in ebay now, but talking about in the past)

If you abuse them, they can then wipe it further from their minds with the justification of-well, I am glad I didn't buy from them anyway as they weren't very nice. I did apologise, after all.

But if you couch it in terms of youself, they can't argue with that.

And although we can't change people's behaviour, outlining just how you have been affected, step by step, may in fact give them pause. They may have no idea it was any big deal to you.

I have been in similar situations (not with commercial transactions but in the workplace) Once was with a student teacher and one day she let me down badly.  She arrived 15 minutes late after school began on a day when we were going on an excursion. The other buses had gone and there I was, waiting with parents and another class, we had all been ready for 30 minutes.  The student teacher had no reason for running late, no car trouble etc.  No message sent earlier. She just walked in and gave an airy sorry.

I kept my temper but later  in private outlined exactly how it had affected me and why it wasn't on. She ended up in tears but I didn't particularly care. She got the message-that sorry didn't cut it, that it was more of a big deal than she thought. I doubt she would ever do it again to someone, put it that way. I failed her. I was glad to get it off my chest too, even though it didn't change the situation.

You deserve your say, say it. Not wasted time at all. Won't fix the problem but your buyer will know they have been a jerk. You won't have to tell them.

[digital*ghost]

Great advice; now that I am a little more calm and can be a bit more objective about it, I may be able to compose something that is suitable. I wrote an email a couple days ago (unsent), so I've got (most of) my proverbial salt shaken out, now. 😅

[lm-entertainment · Accepted solution]

Honestly digi, when I see you post on these forums I admire the way you're able to keep your cool and reply to people in the nicest possible of ways. It makes me feel more human to know you have seething moments too haha. 

I have a habit of replying to people as soon as I receive their messages. The biggest thing I've done recently is try to walk away and wait a while to reply to peoples messages until I've calmed down. I often got myself in a bit of a bother when people lodged return requests (which happened rarely) or messaged me furiously about something totally out of my control. 

Now I just take a good amount of time until I reply to them and do my best to be as courteous as I can, while still explaining the situation how I see it and try and lay things out for them too. More often than not it has worked and I find the responses I get after that seem to be toned down too.

I hope you've found that magic solution!

[digital*ghost]

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@lm-entertainment wrote:

Honestly digi, when I see you post on these forums I admire the way you're able to keep your cool and reply to people in the nicest possible of ways. It makes me feel more human to know you have seething moments too haha. 

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If I give that impression, it would only be because I've pretty much trained myself to respond to most things with (mostly) detached objectivity, just through writing (and rewriting) responses to common things over and over again through the years, both for myself and others, but there's still a few things that will trigger a more visceral response - so I still  have to do the walk away, have a coffee, etc thing a bit, otherwise my replies can contain a fair amount of sarcasm, even if very subtle, since it's usually my go-to gut response to things that tick me off 😳  

Half the time it's actually been a matter of rewriting the sarcastic remark in a more palatable way 🤣 (eg anyone who complains about something that was outlined in the listing gets a subtle reminder it was in the listing, but instead of asking if I should have reached through the screen and slapped them with the description, I'll ask if they would be willing to help me improve the listing, and any suggestions for how to best convey that the item is (or isn't) X would be greatly appreciated (still subtle sarcasm behind that, but very successful at getting people to realise the mistake was theirs, without putting them on the defensive, and if they ever do have a practical suggestion [hasn't happened yet, lol], win / win). 

In other words, I often tend to ask fairly innocuous questions that try to lead to a very specific point I want to make, but they were crafted over a bit of time. If I don't have any of those honed replies at hand for a reply, then this is the default lol 

Once the storm passes, though, I usually just go with what's better for me (quick and simple resolution that means the least amount of work or further thought on it for me 🤣 - like right now I had someone open an INAD return request on an item long past the timeframe for the MBG. This meant I had the option to just decline it, (they are also well past the time to leave FB) I've stewed on it for a bit, fairly annoyed but also thinking about all the what-ifs if I take X action, but in the end I just did the thing that meant I didn't have to do anything else or think about it again, lol. 

Stormy, but ultimately lazily pragmatic - not sure how good of a combo that is. 🙃