A bit Of Toilet Humour

[the_great_she_elephant]

A bit of toilet  humour to cheer you all up. I wrote this in response to a prank photo that circulated showing empty shelves in Busselton Library .

The Literary Dunny

You’ve heard no doubt, the news about

The current bog roll panic,

With fights in shops and calls to cops

And bogans going manic.

Me old mate, Blue, was in a stew

He didn’t find it funny,

That all around no shop he found

With bogroll for his dunny.

He sat alone upon the ‘throne’

In silent desperation,

But then at last there came a blast -

A flash of inspiration.

“Well b*gger me,” he cried with glee

“I’ll fix those theivin’ crooks.

To wipe me crack I’ll just change tack –

And get meself some books.’

With footsteps light at dead of night

He hit the town library,

And helped himself off every shelf

With speed extraordinary.

Then home he crept while others slept

Triumphant and quite blasé

And quickly took each stolen book

And stashed them in the khazi

“And now” he said “they’ll all be read

By me, when on the loo

And when I’m done, to clean me bum

I’ll use a page or two.

I’ve books that that tease and books that please,

And books would shock a parson

But, stone the crows, who sees or knows

Which words I wipe me a**e on?

The library’s shock to find their stock

So cruelly depleted

Was plain to all – as was their call

That justice out be meted.

The South West Times deplored the crimes,

And called for retribution

But sly old Blue had left no clue,

So dodged a prosecution

The only bloke in on the joke

Is me – and there’s no money

Could tempt me to dob in Old Blue

And his literary dunny.

[tasfleur]

A limerick is a humorous poem consisting of five lines. The first, second, and fifth lines must have seven to ten syllables while rhyming and having the same verbal rhythm. The third and fourth lines should only have five to seven syllables; they too must rhyme with each other and have the same rhythm.

(From the internet) ... 

There once was a poster called Dave,

Who moaned at a limerick brave,

He hid his poor head,

Right down in his bed,

But couldn't write poetry, poor knave!

                

[bright.ton42]

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@davewil1964 wrote:

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@the_great_she_elephant wrote:

YESSSSS!

Well done, bright.ton

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The scansion needs some work. But it is definitely a step up from those who think limericks are poetry.

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A little lesson ..

For those who fully  understand poetry they will realize my little doggerel does not require strict scansion but does allow for poetic licence.

As with She Els (though hers much better)    they are kind of a  ditty without music.

As for Limericks....

They are a perfectly legitimate form of poetry.

They can be harder to compose than others as they do require metre  and a set form. 

When done well they are little gems.

Then we have Haiku, sonnets etc which also require a stricter approach.

I love poetry in all forms it can be music to the soul. 

[the_great_she_elephant]

Old Blue And The Sacmmers

Two scammers came to Old Blues house

As he sat in his dunny

They’d heard that he was ‘distancing’

And thought they’d make some money.

"We’re here from Social Services."

They told him – through the door

"They’ve sent us out to help those folk

Who can’t get to the store

They know that while you’re feeling crook

In here you’re wisely stopping,

And so they have commissioned us

To go and do your shopping."

We’ll run your errands straightaway –

just write us out a list,

Though on the cash to pay for it

I fear we must insist.

There’s no flies though upon Old Blue’

He wasn’t born last week

He’d pegged that pair for scammers

Soon as they began to speak

He wrote them out a shopping list -

Tea, pasta, rice and oats,

And pinned to it four rather grubby

Old ten dollar notes.

The scammers pocketed the dosh

But oh, their consternation,

When Old Blue casually remarked,

By way of conversation

‘Excuse those grotty tenners mates

Fair dinkum, it's not funny,

But for the past few days I’ve had

No bog roll for me dunny.

I’ve had to improvise and as

Me choices were quite sparse,

I used those bl**dy banknotes, mates,

To wipe me bl**dy a**e.

[domino-710]

There's something to be said of ' money laundering '.

[bright.ton42]

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@domino-710 wrote:

There's something to be said of ' money laundering '.

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[not_for_sale2025]

Please keep them coming She. We'll need a good laugh every now and then over the coming months. And just ignore the smart a**es.

[domino-710]

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@not_for_sale2025 wrote:

Please keep them coming She. We'll need a good laugh every now and then over the coming months. And just ignore the smart a**es.

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What smart $$ses - I've only detected - $$ses.

[the_great_she_elephant]

I'll do my best - and in fact I owe everyone a big thanks because you've all been very encouraging - even posters I don't always see eye to eye with have given me kudos.

[domino-710]

It goes to show - that given - differences - we can all come together - when circumstances - as we are experiencing - all of us - are able to be - united.

The rest is total carp.

I mean CARP.

[viewmont1071]

Riding along on my pushbike honey
looking for paper to poo.
Riding downtown farting hard  honey
I don't want to follow through.
You looked so messy
As you were riding along.
You looked so messy
As you were singing this song.

Round round cheeks spreading
poo all round
Down my legs spreading
down up down
But I gotta get to Coles
on the other side of town
before the stocks go down

hey hey hey

riding along...... singing this song

Toot toot whoosh....... toot wooops aah