And for a little comic relief
STEP 1: BUY ALL THE BOATS
The first Step is to buy up all the boats in Indonesia. Yep: All of them. What if more boats are built, you ask? No worries, we'll buy them too! What if old boats are repaired? Consider them bought! Still have questions? Stop being such a cynic - This is a 'Real Solution', so it has to work! When we buy up all the boats, the People Smugglers wont have any boats left. Simple, right?Asylum Seeker problem Solved!
STEP 2: FILL THE BOATS WITH TELECOMMUNICATIONS EQUIPMENT
Once we get all the boats to Australia - we need to do something with them. There's only so many boats you can sink for a man-made-reef. But that crazy Malcolm Turnbull had a great idea. He had this plan to build "Nodes" all around the country. But all a node is just a big ugly fridge full of telecommunication equipment. Rather than buying 100,000 new fridges - we are going to reuse the boats
STEP 3: PUT A BOAT ON EVERY STREET CORNER
Now we need to put deploy our boats. The Copper wiring in Australia isn't very good, so we need to put a boat on ever street corner. That's okay - there's lots of boats to buy in Indonesia. Then we will run Fibre Optic Cable to the Boat. Fibre Optics allows very fast internet connections. But from the Boat, your internet will go over standard copper wire. It's Fibre To The Boat.
STEP 4: LET THE CHILDREN PLAY PIRATES
Now Tony Abbott is passionate about his exercise and helping Australia deal with the Obesity Epidemic. So what better way to help kids get out and exercise than by putting a pirate ship on their nature strip. Kids will love climbing all over the boats - playing pirate and screaming "ARRGGHH" at passers by.
STEP 5: STOP EVERYONE ELSE BEING PIRATES
This is the best part of the FTTB plan. By giving everyone slower Broadband, we stop all those pesky adult pirates. Otherwise they might start paying Netflix $10/month instead of Foxtel $100/month. And we all know what Rupert would think of that.
SPREAD THE WORD
Many Thanks to:
Many Thanks to:
- X all the Y meme from memegenerator and originally Hyperbole and a Half
- Copper Wiring (actual Telstra Wiring) from this amazing collection at Delimiter
- Boat from Tony Alter on the nature strip by Tim Parkinson
- Pirate Kid from Wellspring CS
- Rupert Murdoch from David Shankbone
- Node photo from BOREDIDIOT on Reddit
- Boat Photo from Chai Sabz.
Standard Disclaimers:
- I honestly know nothing about the Boat buying policy (or the fishing boat market in Indonesia). I have done 0 research on this. I just found it amusing.
- This is obviously a work of Satire, and the view expressed here do not represent the views of my employer (or me neccessarily) -- there's a case to be made for FTTN for places like MDU's. I just don't think the Coalition is making it well. And sortius and Stevie J make a good case with much more research than I have done
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"I’m writing you this letter on behalf of all Australians." That is not true for a start FN.
"......or part of a conspiracy on behalf of your boss to get rid of the NBN, which threatens his business interests"
You were not paying attention before FN when it was indicated that with any NBN Foxtel immediately has a much much larger potential audience/clientele. If (?) you remember, Telstra owns 50% of Foxtel, so they would be happy with the Libs version NBN for the added use of copper, which the ALP NBN so desperately wished to decommission (outlaw competition) that they "blackmailed" Telstra.
"You’re also contributing news articles, designed to bring about a certain result, a result you’ve allegedly been instructed to manufacture to help your boss make money"
Well duh!.
However that is not the case, but another debate for later.
