Autism / Aspergers

[grandmoon]

Do people Autism or Aspergers say please and thank you ??

I am dealing with an adult who never saids these words.

[2106greencat]

My nephew has Aspergers and has good manners in everyday life, please, thankyou for material things etc, he needed to be reminded a lot when he was younger, but it is completely natural for him now - he is 15.

Sometimes with Mickey (my nickname for him), outside of the everyday he does not always react in a way we would to certain things or comments or information given.

An example - he is extremely intelligent and very logically minded, if he asks a question and feels he has not been given all relevant data  his thought process is there is no reason to thank someone for not giving him the correct information.

This happens in school with his teachers often, or he will tell the teacher that the answer was inappropriate or not informative.

This can sometimes come across as being a SA, but it really isn't, he needs the info and if he can't get it, he will find out for himself, and often disregard the information he feels was substandard.

That can come across as rude.

I was once told that the aspergers kids have very wide goal posts in their minds so one answer will not fit all, and things are not as cut and dried to them as they may be to others.

[grandmoon]

Thank you  

I have the feeling that this person is rude and maybe has not had the training in manners. 

Yesterday she came in the room and said "Get me a cup of tea while I do something"  the woman she was talking to in 86 year old.

[2106greencat]

That does sound rude, but in her defence, it is not an exact or absolute affliction. How old is this person?

Many sufferers have different behavioural problems, my nephew would for instance, never speak in that manner to an adult (or any one really) but in some instances he can be blunt if he thinks you are wrong about something and simply walk away with no further comment.

It sounds as though maybe the person you are describing had parents who were not well informed on the problem and let her get away with simple things like manners and write it off to the affliction.

And I am not blaming the parents, it has only been in the last 10 or so years that aspergers has really been identified and talked openly about, and many make the mistake of thinking autism is the same.

[azureline**]

It's not about being rude, it's all in the training. My grandchild has impeccable manners but can be quite straightforward as well.

[bella_again]

I think manners can be taught whatever the condition.  Sometimes though if the person is under pressure or someone is demanding eye contact they do tend to forget to use pleasantries. How is the person generally with social conversation?  They may have other issues going on or may have never been taught to respond appropriately in social situations.

I have 3 on the spectrum, their manners are pretty good.  The middle child though sometimes forgets to say thankyou and can walk off abruptly not intending to be rude, but is challenged or overwhelmed by the social situation.  We are still trying to train her in this area but she does need continual prompting. However its not intentional.  There may be more going on with the adult than you realise. Does the person have a carer?  The carer may need to practise social interaction and scripts with them so that they learn to talk more appropriately to people.

[i-need-a-martini]

grandmoon - you only ever seem to tell half the story.

What was the relationship with the 86 year old? Was what she was doing of some consequence that she was only thinking of her task at hand?

There are lots of reasons why people fail to say the magic words.

It sounds like you were visiting. So you can't really pass judgment me thinks.

[*pepe]

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@grandmoon wrote:

Do people Autism or Aspergers say please and thank you ??

I am dealing with an adult who never saids these words.

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perhaps they are just not well mannered.

[grandmoon]

Thats what I am trying to work out Pepe.

[azureline**]

It can also be just that the person might feel judged, or uncomfortable in the situation or with certain people.