Dividing cremains

[*elizabeths-mum*]

I had never heard of people dividing the ashes of a loved one up until my FIL died 5 years ago.

Do many people do it and what sorts of reasons? I can see it happening more often in cases of divorce and remarriage with two families each wanting some which made me wonder would all the part cremain holders inter them with a plaque? 

[j*oono]

Science may not want your body, and this is in no way aimed at you She_el or Kennedia.  

They have criteria and if your body doesn't meet the criteria they are looking for at the time then they won't take you.  

I do not like the idea of keeping a persons ashes no matter how much I loved them and to me the idea of dividing the ashes up, well I'm a bit shocked.

[kennedia_nigricans]

if they don't want my body i would be happy with the bin.

it's not as if i would come back and need it again.

[the_great_she_elephant]

Science may not want your body, and this is in no way aimed at you She_el or Kennedia.

You are quite right, Joono. And if they don't, then I'm with Kennedia; as far as I'm concerned they can dump it in the bin LOL.

Seriously though, the point I am trying to make is that I find  he idea of laying down instructions for one's funeral or the disposal of ones body utterly pointless. 

As an atheist  I believe that once I die I will simply cease to exist. I certainly won't be hovering in the background taking offence or coming back to haunt anyone who failed to respect my wishes. And even if I believed in an afterlife I would not expect to be floating around in the crematorium observing my own funeral.

[*crikey*mate*]

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@the_great_she_elephant wrote:

. I have absolutely no interest at all in what happens to my remains. Leaving my body to science would seem a useful way of disposing of it once I've finished with it, but  if my family aren't happy with that then Ill leave it entirely up to them to decide what would bring them the most comfort.

Call me callous if you like, but keeping the ashes of a person one vehemently disliked seems to me an absurdly morbid and masochistic practice.

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I agree, however my OH doesn't. He's still alive and I like him, so I try to keep him happy when I can.

[azureline**]

An in law's rellie was cremated, asked for her ashes to be taken or sent to the UK for burial with her late husband.................. all went ok but the elderly rellie who received them in the UK, said it was too much trouble so she buried them with her own husband....

I would not be able to divvy them up...... I wouldn't bury parts of a body in different places.  (but that is just me)

[happyroo_bunji]

I have kept the ashes of my first dog.

I can understand why some people would want a part of thier dearly beloved.  But I don't believe in forcing someone to have them if they don't want them.

crikey I don't understand why you didn't just dispose of the ashes if you don't want them? I'd be telling the husband to butt out!

[happyroo_bunji]

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@no_tv*10 wrote:

We lost our 20 month old a year ago this weekend and her 'fairy dust' as our other kids call it will be put inside jewellery so she can be with all of them on their future travels. The make lockets, pendants and watches etc. It's a nice way for some to always feel closer to their loved one. My mother is suffering terminal cancer and has always wanted to be buried. After seeing what we have done with our bub, she now wants to be cremated. She hopes our other children will take her with them too. It makes her feel like she will have a chance to all the things she never got to do. Makes the thought of dying a little bit easier for her.

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no_tv*10 I am sorry for your loss. I love the term 'fairy dust', so much nicer than ashes or cremains (never heard of the term cremains until today).

[the_great_she_elephant]

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@no_tv*10 wrote:

We lost our 20 month old a year ago this weekend and her 'fairy dust' as our other kids call it will be put inside jewellery so she can be with all of them on their future travels. The make lockets, pendants and watches etc. It's a nice way for some to always feel closer to their loved one. My mother is suffering terminal cancer and has always wanted to be buried. After seeing what we have done with our bub, she now wants to be cremated. She hopes our other children will take her with them too. It makes her feel like she will have a chance to all the things she never got to do. Makes the thought of dying a little bit easier for her.

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(((hugs))) no-tv, I do hope my posts haven't sounded critical or insensitive to your situation

.I have been there myself - many years ago - and it is the emptiest, loneliest, most painful and physically draining place in the world. I wish I could say something wise and comforting that would ease your pain just a little, but there are no words. My heart goes out to you. 

[*elizabeths-mum*]

Thank you for so many varied replies. I thought it a bit icky when I first heard of it, and on reading a little could understand why people might need to divide them in some circumstances but now appreciate how meaningful they are and important that family should be able to share them.

[bright.ton42]

I can see that  it's a very personal thing for each family.  My mum made it very clear that she wanted to be cremated

and we children were glad that she did make it clear to us. like that.  

Oddly enough when the ashes were ready and I picked them up my brother didn't want them.  He adored

mum but couldn't face the ashes, so I kept them until I finally disposed of them in an appropriate way.