Does your Family Know

[grandmoon]

What your wishes are if you get terminally ill or die suddenly. ??

My friend is trying to get this information out of her partner who has just been diagnosed with cancer, The doctor has told him to make sure the family know his wishes.

He is refusing to let her know.

[this-one-time-at-bandcamp]

I told the war department that when it was time, to withhold food and drink, and pull the plug.............

Last night she took away my nachos and beer, and unplugged the TV.........

[azureline**]

My mum always said she wouldn't want to be here if she couldn't  care for herself...............

When she was diagnosed with leukemia, she changed her mind and fought for her health, for 6 months, during her last 2 weeks, she fought to stay with us, she wasn't ready to go .

I guess we just never know.

[polksaladallie]

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@the_great_she_elephant wrote:

Mr Elephant and i have recently had a long talk with our daughter on this very subjet. She downloaded some forms for us to fill in which will go some way towards formalising our wishes, but th eoptions they cover are rather general. She knows, and the rest of the family know that in the event of us being able to make decisions for ourselves or each other, she has our permission to make those decisions for us. Fortunately she is OK with this as it is a big thing to ask of someone.

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Elephant, I don't understand your post.  The AHD is extremely specific with several choices for each event.  And they have to be followed by relatives and hospitals.  If the medical conditions are not understood, the family doctor (who has to sign it) can explain.  I feigned semi-ignorance on one question with the doctor, simply to gauge his thoughts on hastening death with drugs, because I am aware that he is RC, and doctors are conservative on the outside, but many do bring on death on the QT.

[the_great_she_elephant]

Maybe I just jhaven't read it thoroughly enough yet, Polks - we haven't actually filled it in yet. And to be honest  I think I was looking for a clause that just isn't available yet - the option to actively "pull the plug".

[polksaladallie]

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@the_great_she_elephant wrote:

Maybe I just jhaven't read it thoroughly enough yet, Polks - we haven't actually filled it in yet. And to be honest  I think I was looking for a clause that just isn't available yet - the option to actively "pull the plug".

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Not in our lifetimes.  It comes very close though if you choose to tick certain boxes consistently.  And there are areas where you can write in extra wishes and conditions and even attach pages.

But I think the medical people are not as conservative as they have been.  They are aware that "miracle" recoveries are about as probable as winning the lottery, and they do advise in that vein.

There was a tragic case of a child drowning, and very often if there is no immediate death, the child is left in a vegetative state. The parents of a different ethnic background would not accept this prognosis, and refused to allow the unplugging of machines.  I think this went on for months until they finally accepted that they had lost their baby.  Very sad.

[lind9650]

Peter and I just recently spoke about it, after I had another stint in Hospital. My children know that I don't want to be kept on life support if there is no hope of full recovery from whatever put me there.

I want to be cremated, no big ceremony and would love my ashes to be scattered in the Atherton Hills. Peter said that he would like that too.

We both love the Atherton Tableland since the first visit there. It's paradise as far as I am concerned.

Our last resting place.

My previous husband knew he was here only on borrowed time. He told me his wishes about his funeral, but we never had anything written down. Yes, we had Wills drawn up by a Solicitor, but he asked nothing about burials or being kept alive artificially.

When my husband died, his eldest son (an Officer in the Navy) came charging in while I was talking to the Undertaker and took over all arrangements, including two services. One at the local RSL hall and another at the Crematorium. He treated me as if I lost my mind by loosing my husband. Later he kept ringing me to ask if I had paid for the funeral several times. When I received the insurance payment and went to pay, mentioning my stepsons concern, the undertaker laughed and told me that by law I did not have to pay a cent because my stepson signed the papers for the funeral arrangements.

Of course I paid. That's what the insurance was for, but I think that my stepson got cold feet when he realised what he had done just to prove himself superior to me.

Peter and I have new wills. (we got them with our Life Insurance for free) Our children are good and we can not see any problems, but one never knows, so we put everything in writing and had it witnessed.

Every situation is different, especially when someone is scared to die for unexplicable reasons.

Erica

[youcandoityoucandoityoucandoit]

Erica, that view is so peaceful and beautiful. What a wonderful place. 

Does it give you both peace of mind to have your affairs in order?

I think sometimes it can give peace of mind to those who are left, to be confident that they are following what the deceased wanted..

I remember when my Mother died, one of my Aunts (my Fathers sister) kept asking the same question, over and over, phoning me, and even hassling me at my Mums funeral- 'Why didnt she tell me she was so ill? Why?' Over and over. It could have been grief, I suppose.. In my exhaustion, I said to her- 'What? You think you could have done something? Nothing could be done. And she asked to be left in peace. She wanted it this way.' 

I felt and feel quite strongly about keeping my word. I am definitely a keeper of secrets, but feel no burden. 

[lind9650]

Yes. Youcandoit, we are both content with the descission we have made. The place is even more beautiful than the photo. It was early morning before the sun was fully up.

I will be happy when my spirit can float around the Rainforest, all the great lakes and waterfalls and among the birds and native animals.

I don't believe in gravestones with fancy lettering. I believe that once we die our flesh and bones will rot away, but our saul and spirit lives on outside the confinements of a box. If family and friends want to remember me with fondness and love, or blame me for things I have only done wrong in their minds, they will not have to make special trips to a Cemetary.

Cheers, Erica

[nicnacs_4u]

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@lind9650 wrote:

Yes. Youcandoit, we are both content with the descission we have made. The place is even more beautiful than the photo. It was early morning before the sun was fully up.

I will be happy when my spirit can float around the Rainforest, all the great lakes and waterfalls and among the birds and native animals.

I don't believe in gravestones with fancy lettering. I believe that once we die our flesh and bones will rot away, but our saul and spirit lives on outside the confinements of a box. If family and friends want to remember me with fondness and love, or blame me for things I have only done wrong in their minds, they will not have to make special trips to a Cemetary.

Cheers, Erica

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I also share in your belief re gravestones Erica..My youngest dd has my OH ashes as she feels the need to have her dad with her..strange to some but it works out ok with us all..my oldest dd still has his hospital o/night suitcase that is packed with his hairbrush,pj`s etc it is a comfort for her.I won`t go into detail with  what I still have...too muchI have my mother`s ashes in my wardrobe...strange lot we are!!lol

and to be on topic I DO HAVE my wishes known to my girls..

[purple_haize]

When my son died, I kept his ashes for 4yrs, he didnt have a will, I was going to scatter them at the house we lived in at the time, but my daughter said NO, she didnt want birds taking them.

We then moved to the Dandenongs and both of us decided, as Tim hated the summer, we would find a place in the hills, where the sun didnt shine much, so most of his ashes are scattered at a little bridge surrounded by tree ferns at Kallista, in the Dandenong Ranges, in Melbourne.

I saved some and sprinkled them on thr Rose Garden at Springvale, where my mother, grandmother & grandfather are.

I have in my will that I would like my ashes scattered where Tim is, and I know my daughter and husband will carry out my wishes.