Doing a good job hurts

[jean2579]

Our son came home for a few days at his wife's suggestion as she felt that he had not seen us for a while.
Now that he has gone home we are missing him like crazy.
We know that he has a wonderful wife and family and that the wish for just this result shaped every decision we made in raising him, but I sometimes wish we had not been so successful and then he might have been at home more.
All of this is very selfish I know and I am not explaining it very well.
Does anyone else have similar feelings?

[twyngwyn]

You are explaining it very well....empty nest syndrome? We all long for the good old days once in a while....just be grateful that you raised a well-adjusted child. Don't we all want to raise independent children? It's all part of the human dilemma...:)

[jean2579]

Wise words. Thank you.

[twyngwyn]

You are not alone 🙂

[the_great_she_elephant]

It's a kind of catch 22, isn't it? If you hadn't done such a great job in raising him,he might be around more, but he wouldn't be the very special person he is and you wouldn't love him and miss him so much.

[lurker172602]

I know how you feel. I can't believe that the loving and confident father I saw yesterday is my own sweet baby.
Parenting is so complex, and so wonderful. I suspect it will always be.

[youcandoityoucandoityoucandoit]

Jean, Im not entirely sure I understand the logic of why he would be at home more, if you hadnt done such a good job? Some people leave home quite young, but still have wonderful relationships with their parents. 

I guess its good to acknowledge that you and your husband miss him- Im sure thats normal and probably quite common- but you have the benefit to be so proud of him and his life and his choices- maybe it would help if you were to celebrate that achievement?

Perhaps you and your husband could go out to a special dinner, or on a trip and focus on it together- say- wow, we really did a great job together, we couldnt have done better and he is testament to that.

Its now time to acknowledge that other people reap the benefits for all the hard work, choices and sacrifices you both made when he was a child, and that is your gift- to yourselves, to him and to others.

[onlinehokum]

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@youcandoityoucandoityoucandoit wrote:
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Perhaps you and your husband could go out to a special dinner, or on a trip and focus on it together- say- wow, we really did a great job together, we couldnt have done better and he is testament to that.

 .........

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what a beautiful idea