English Isn't As Easy As You Think

[illicit69]

English Isn't As Easy As You Think.

You think English is easy?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture..
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
😎 A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

[2106greencat]

and 'have a cup of tea before you tee off, and I have two others who want to play golf too

okay - horrific grammar but you get the pitcher LOL

[spotweldersfriend]

If you're fascinated by the English language.try a get a hold of Bill Bryson's "Mother Tongue". An excellent reed....er read.

[polksaladallie]

air, heir, ere, e'er, are,

all pronounced the same.

[the_great_she_elephant]

ENGLISH PRONUNCIATION FOR FOREIGNERS.

(and no I didn't write this myself I'm not sure who the original author was)

I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you
On hiccough, thorough, laugh and through?

Well done! And now you wish perhaps
To learn of less familiar traps?

Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird;

And dead: it’s said like bed, not bead -
For goodness sake don’t call it ‘deed’.
Watch out for meat and great and threat.
They rhyme with suite and straight and debt.

A moth is not a moth in mother,
nor both in bother, broth in brother,
And here is not a match for there
Nor dear and fear for bear and pear,

And then there’s dose and rose and lose -
Just look them up - and goose and choose.

And cord and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword,

And do and go and thwart and cart -
Come come, I’ve hardly made a start!
A dreadful language? Man alive,
I’d mastered it when I was five!

[2106greencat]

'oly krap - I still don' gerrit

[kennedia_nigricans]

english, compared to other languages is one of the easiest.

these texts are designed to make you feel good about the only languge you know (and it's working LOL).

most of the grammar other languages have just does not exist in english  which makes it simple and easy to learn. it also makes it difficult to express things precisely, so often i am left with the choice to either use 5 english sentences to describe what (i only would need one in my first language) or just be very unprecise.

[electric*mayhem*band]

If you want to hear mangled English, take a trip to Newcastle-upon-Tyne. On their city Coat of Arms there is the motto:

'Oi yon amma awa eya inny'. Translated = 'Throw that hammer over here my friend'.

No kidding, you'll think you've entered a parallel world.

[rawr*i*r*dinosaur]

yes it is

[kennedia_nigricans]

if i want to hear mangled english i don't need to go any further than the next shop or just talk to the first person i meet on the street.

OR i read here.

[electric*mayhem*band]

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@kennedia_nigricans wrote:

if i want to hear mangled english i don't need to go any further than the next shop or just talk to the first person i meet on the street.

OR i read here.

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Yes, like a lower case letter for a personal pronoun, ditto for beginning a sentence. *tsk,tsk*