How would you have handled this

[jean2579]

Today I let down both my DIL and Grand daughter . At my craft meeting some one made some thoughtless remarks about Asian people. My DIL is of Asian origin. I did not object or tell that they were way out of line. Quite simply I did nothing when I should have jumped up and down. I feel that I was more concerned about the feelings of those present than what was said. How would you have handled it?

[green.fields]

I understand how you feel Jean but you haven't let anyone down. Next time you go take some photo's of your daughter in law and grandie and proudly show them off, something might sink into that persons head.

[cherry*135]

I think same as others..you didnt let down your DIL and gdaughter. At the most if I was you I might have said similar to what Crystal said...my wonderful DIL is from Asia etc.

Perhaps another time at craft group you could take some photos of your gdaughter snd her parents to proudly show the others there.

People should think before they say stuff like that in public.

[jean2579]

Thanks for the advice, I really needed it. My DIL is the most fantastic person I know and when she is hurt, I feel hurt too. Thank good ness she will never know of this, although if today is anything to go by, she must have experienced worse than this in the past.

[*pepe]

i think you were right to consider the feelings of those there.

jumping up and down would have made everyone uncomfortable and its not very likely you would alter the opinion of anyone regarding Asian people by creating a scene.

give your grand daughter a cuddle and congratulate yourself on not raising a bigoted son.

[just_me_karen]

I think you need to say something next time you meet. Every time someone allows racist comments to go unchallenged, it validates racism. It doesn't mean you have to make a scene, it could be simply saying you love your daughter in law and telling the group where she's from.

[happyroo_bunji]

Jean was your DIL at the craft group?

IMO pick your battles, sometimes its not worth the grief it would cause yourself.  I am in a craft group and quite often I have to bite my tongue when a certain someone comes out with a comment.  A few times I have spoken up when they've gone too far, and unfortunately it didn't make one bit of difference.

The most important thing is you love your DIL and you know what that woman said is wrong

[youcandoityoucandoityoucandoit]

It can be confronting when people say thoughtless/ bigotted/ignorant/racist remarks.

I dont enjoy confrontation, but, I think its sometimes important if you do feel confronted to say something.

When Ive been confronted, I say 'How do you mean?' I guess its a version of 'beg your pardon?' and it gives the other person pause for thought, and I remain calm and detached.

Often, they repeat the statement, and I will calmly repeat 'yes, I heard you, but how do you mean?' as they try to explain themselves they hear how thoughtless/ bigotted/ignorant/racist they sound and have trouble standing by their own original statement. Whats interesting is that they try to justify their opinions, essentially to themselves.

The thing Ive found is that often people dont change by confrontation but if they confront themselves, change can be profound. 

[buzzlightyearsgirlfriend]

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@polksaladallie wrote:

I would say, " beg your pardon? ", and if they repeat it, say again, " beg you pardon? ", and again and again.  It will not be too long before the person hesitates and realises what they are saying and either mumbles in embarrassment or apologises for what they have said.

I read that tip some years ago and have done it once myself.

What the others in the room think is irrelevant.

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I like that response!

My favourite gentleman caller is not Australian born and, while my family are not racist, there are others in my social circle (I tolerate them but want to shout at them) who are ignorant. I'm going to remember the "beg your pardon" and use it on them. Again and again and again.

[*mrgrizz*]

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@buzzlightyearsgirlfriend wrote:

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@polksaladallie wrote:

I would say, " beg your pardon? ", and if they repeat it, say again, " beg you pardon? ", and again and again.  It will not be too long before the person hesitates and realises what they are saying and either mumbles in embarrassment or apologises for what they have said.

I read that tip some years ago and have done it once myself.

What the others in the room think is irrelevant.

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I like that response!

My favourite gentleman caller is not Australian born and, while my family are not racist, there are others in my social circle (I tolerate them but want to shout at them) who are ignorant. I'm going to remember the "beg your pardon" and use it on them. Again and again and again.

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omg........i think i know you