@youcandoityoucandoityoucandoit wrote:How awful for you and your family she-ele.
Over the years, Ive been on the receiving end of some 'well meaning, would-be comforters' words..just curious, did you reply?
I honestly can't remember. It was so soon after Alan's death I think I was still too numb with grief to take it in properly. It was only later that it came back to haunt me. There were others also who said things like "God knows best," or "but with all his health problems you couldn't really wish him back again, could you?" or "Think what you did for him though, he was so lucky to have found you." I wanted to brain the lot of them, but I knew they were just trying to do the right thing.
It did teach me something though: you can't really "comfort" someone, all you can do is put your arms round them and say "I'm so sorry. It hurts so much doesn't it?'
@the_great_she_elephant wrote:
@youcandoityoucandoityoucandoit wrote:How awful for you and your family she-ele.
Over the years, Ive been on the receiving end of some 'well meaning, would-be comforters' words..just curious, did you reply?
I honestly can't remember. It was so soon after Alan's death I think I was still too numb with grief to take it in properly. It was only later that it came back to haunt me. There were others also who said things like "God knows best," or "but with all his health problems you couldn't really wish him back again, could you?" or "Think what you did for him though, he was so lucky to have found you." I wanted to brain the lot of them, but I knew they were just trying to do the right thing.
It did teach me something though: you can't really "comfort" someone, all you can do is put your arms round them and say "I'm so sorry. It hurts so much doesn't it?'
People do say strange things without thinking. When my sisters three day old baby died people said things like oh well at least you hadn't got used to having him around yet. She had the presence of mind to ask them if would you say the same thing if it was her husband who had died, three days after their wedding.
@lurker172602 wrote:
@the_great_she_elephant wrote:
@youcandoityoucandoityoucandoit wrote:How awful for you and your family she-ele.
Over the years, Ive been on the receiving end of some 'well meaning, would-be comforters' words..just curious, did you reply?
I honestly can't remember. It was so soon after Alan's death I think I was still too numb with grief to take it in properly. It was only later that it came back to haunt me. There were others also who said things like "God knows best," or "but with all his health problems you couldn't really wish him back again, could you?" or "Think what you did for him though, he was so lucky to have found you." I wanted to brain the lot of them, but I knew they were just trying to do the right thing.
It did teach me something though: you can't really "comfort" someone, all you can do is put your arms round them and say "I'm so sorry. It hurts so much doesn't it?'
People do say strange things without thinking. When my sisters three day old baby died people said things like oh well at least you hadn't got used to having him around yet. She had the presence of mind to ask them if would you say the same thing if it was her husband who had died, three days after their wedding.
I think the problem is people feel inadequate - they don't know what to say, but feel they need to say something, so they blurt out these hurtful platitudes.
Anyway, this is getting off topic a bit, so back to the step children thing, I have 17 grandchildren, 7 of whom are steppies. If I ever need to explain I just say 10 are grandchildren in my bloodline and 7 are grandchildren in my heartline.
