or if you are a crafty type, you could use the humorous words below and do a scrap book thingy.......
Many people including me are wondering how Tony, now Prime Minister, became a Rhodes scholar. We know of course that his grades were nothing to write home about but surely, given the vaunted prestige of the award, it can’t be given to any dumb-cluck!
Tony, since his election, has made many errors. I’m not just talking about the ‘suppository’ gaffe. For example, the Indonesian navy has moved warships into its waters to keep an eye on the Australian navy to ensure it doesn’t stray into Indonesian maritime territory as part of its ‘tow-back-the-boats’ policy.
Tony has also talked about buying lifeboats and transferring refugees into them so they can make the trip back to Indonesia safely. This is nearly as mad as his earlier idea to buy up Indonesian fishing boats to stop the people smugglers getting hold of them.
Tony has also told various nations in our region they are at the top of his list of friends. This has created some confusion as to which nation is really his favorite. It also leads people to think that he just tells them what he thinks they want to hear.
As he goes about his travels, everyone he meets can see that Tony is a truly unexceptional man, the kind of man that would be at home in a surf club, a rural fire brigade and a cycling crowd but in a meeting of world leaders he has nothing to distinguish him from waiters and doormen.
What is Australia to do? His party elected him (by one vote), so it seems we are stuck with him until the next election. In the spirit of trying to help Australia and Tony, I submit the following measures which might assist him to put on a better face:
1. He could have cosmetic surgery which made him look like Clint Eastwood.
2. He could appoint John Howard and Bob Hawke as his bodyguards and they could kick him every time he opens his mouth to speak.
3. He could do a crash course in World Politics and Diplomacy at an Institution that believes in corporal punishment for poor achievers.
4. He could write three thousand times each day: I must act like a Prime Minister not the Village Idiot!
5. He must not associate with the salt of the earth types but instead fill his circle of friends with well-educated Commentators like Bolt and Jones (I joke of course), Erudite Professors, Pompous Clergy, Writers who have won prestigious prizes, Well Known Artists and Playwrights, ex-Prime Ministers like Blair etc.
6. He could have walking correction surgery to get rid of the simian gait.
And if all these measures fail, then an urgent leadership spill is required because, let’s face it, you can’t make a silken purse out of a sow’s ear by making it a Rhodes Scholar!
Tony Abbott should have continued along the priesthood path. Then he could mumble in Latin and no one would know that what he said made little sense.
