My mother died in 1987 when she was 52 and I was 33, of breast Ca. I am an only child of divorced parents (not common then). Mum was not demonstrative, nor am I.
Best memories - sitting in the front seat of the car between mum and dad (before they divorced), no seat belts then, and falling asleep and mum cuddling me into her lap. I was probably about 5.
Mum making the curtains for the first house my husband and I bought, we were dead broke.
Mum, not very child-friendly, becoming a boring Grandma and so stereotypical (her friends probably crossed the road to avoid being shown photos of her grandson), when I was pregnant and when we had our first child, a boy.
Falling out with mum when we had our second child, a girl - who wasn't treated the same as the first by mum. Being dead shouldn't mean you have to be remembered as perfect, with no faults.
Mum with cancer, telling me in 1987 that if she was a dog they would've shot her out of mercy. She died shortly afterwards, thank God.
Mum's awful cooking. It must be genetic.
Mum being tall, athletic. Why, why, why did I take after my father's side? Squat, stubby weight battlers!!
Other memory when mum was dying is that of my husband being wonderful - carrying her everywhere, lifting her on and off the toilet, attending to her toileting, visiting her every day in hospital and then the hospice, when I was busy with two toddlers. Those memories of him them have sustained me through some tough times we have had to work though together, since.
It was hard losing mum so early in both her life and my life - our two oldest don't remember her and our youngest was born after she died.
But, at least both she and I are spared the awful dilemma I see so many people having about my age, and the suffering about what is the right thing to do, when mum or dad needs extra care, or is demented. It seems bizarre that with such an early death, there is all these years later, a silver lining.
And the one bit of advice I would give myself, and mum if I could, looking back retrospectively - do not leave expressions of love, gratitude and thanks unsaid, and assume that other people just know these things by instinct. They don't.
