*puts hand up*
one HFA boy and a very mild Aspie here.
Your post has made me cry as it bought back so many memories for me and what my eldest has gone through over the years -
Firstly ((((aspie*mum))))
My eldest was originally diagnosed Autistic, later changed to Autistic Savant, by grade 2 the diagnosis changed again to Aspergers, and then grade 4 changed again to High Functioning Autism...
He had his first breakdown in Grade 4 following a failed suicide attempt- diagnosed then also with anxiety and depression.
Lots of other stuff - but here's the thing -
I found a pediatrician that I trusted implicitly by the time he was 2 (went through three or four before we got to him though) and then I let him be the "cruise director" to guide us through the next 14 years as we worked through intensive therapy etc - and saw different specialists etc to address different issues. (tactile sensitivity,
Went through a few shrinks in the early years, but he found one he loved by grade 3 and stayed with her throughout - sometimes it was just once a month, but depending what was going on, at times it might have been three times a week. After his breakdown, his shrink went to school with him every day for 6 weeks until he was fully integrated back into the school. (We actually work with a team of 3 of them - and add a psychiatrist periodicallywhen he needs medication or is hospitilaized))
We had to keep him out of the State System so that he was not forced out of mainstream schooling, and it took us 4 years and 26 schools (he only went to 2 schools before this one - I only looked into those 26 schools in depth- he didn't go to them all) until we found a school that a) would accept him (with many conditions), b) that he felt comfortable with c) could meet as many of his needs as possible.
As I said, we found that school by grade 4 - it wasn't perfect, but they were prepared to make allowances for him etc and listen to his doctors - but most of all they truly cared for him and did their best to accommodate as many of his needs as possible. Yeah - there were a LOT of hiccups - a LOT of bad days - and a LOT of days that we all just got it sooooooo wrong - but they were always prepared to have another go the next day - they never ever gave up on him - we were so blessed to be led to that school - I believe that the school saved his life.
I accepted very early on that I only sent my child to school to "socialize" - to give him somewhere to go with "normal" kids, to get used to them etc and have a platform for him to practise the social skills and coping mechanisms etc his doctors and shrinks were teaching him - it was never an expectation that he would get an academic education there - it was enough that he was managing to get through the day without expecting him to learn anything or concentrate in class etc - until year 10 - his school work really happened before and after school hours - with support from the school, I guided him through the school curriculum at home. Sometimes we had private tutors when what I was doing wouldn't work, and he completed an English and Math program from a private tuition company.
That boy finished school last year and did part time uni as well (he turns 17 this year) - his hard work and perserverence paid off - he's out the other side now. He got an OP score of 2 and national recognition for being in the top 5%. He was also awarded various scholarships, depending on which uni he went to....
Nope - he still can't tie his shoelaces, can barely hold a pencil to write more than a few words and a whole host of other things - but he's got a real shot at life in general now.
So yes, you possibly have a whole lot of hard years ahead of you, but just know that one day it will get a whole lot easier.
Some people can go their whole lives and never really live for a single minute.
