While conducting some business at the Courthouse, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, โYour Honor, Iโm guilty but there were extenuating circumstances.โ The female Judge said, sarcastically, โIโd certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances.โ I did too so I listened as the lady told her story. โYour Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, โHi! Iโm Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?โ Iโm thinking, โBelinda, try decaf.This ainโt rocket science.โ Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, โHmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?โ Fine, I answered.I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap! Complete darkness, the power was off! Belinda said, โUh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag.โ Then she headed for the door. โExcuse me! Youโre not leaving me in this vise alone are you?โ I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, โOh, you fussy puppyโฆthe doorโs wide open so youโll have the emergency hall lights. Iโll be right back.โ Before I could shout NOOO! She disappeared. And thatโs exactly how Bubba and Earl, โmaintenance men Extraordinaireโ found meโฆhalf-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass! After exchanging a polite Hi, howโs it going type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, โUh, yes, I did but thanks anyway.โ โOK, you take care nowโ Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though Iโd been standing in the line at the grocery store. Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, โOh I am s000 sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?โ And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clampsโฆ.โ The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said โCase Dismissedโ.
Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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UK has voted to leave the EU..
I got Irene a new house..
