Visiting Irishman From UK

[tommy.irene]

Hi everyone ..top o the morning to ye..just passing by..though I would call in to see you

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

A Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said: “I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest.”

24 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man “why didn’t you raise your hand?”

The man replied: “Too much trouble raising the hand, Sarge.”

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation
has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible
lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed
and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to
stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is
a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel
glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."
Again, all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a
runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice
quivered as she spoke, "Reverend, there has been a terrible
misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I
simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared with laughter..

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

.

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One’s a brunette, one’s a redhead, and one’s a blonde.

Two guards bring the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready . . . Aim . . .”

Suddenly the brunette yells, “earthquake!!”

Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready . . . Aim . . .” The redhead then screams, “tornado!!” Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde has figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . .” The blonde shouts, “fire!!”

[tommy.irene]