Visiting Irishman From UK

Hi everyone ..top o the morning to ye..just passing by..though I would call in to see you
Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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Visiting Irishman From UK

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Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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Visiting Irishman From UK

I was visiting my Irish cousin at his farm, on the weekend. And, I noticed a three legged pig in the sty and I asked Bridgit about their pig. She said the pig was very special to their family. A month ago, their 3 year old grandson fell into the irrigation pond and that pig jumped into the water and saved the lad's life!! And, last week, Sean, her husband, got his boot caught in the tractor auger and was being pulled in. That thar pig jumped onto the tractor and shut off the motor, saved Sean from a very severe injury!! And, only yesterday, we had a fire in the cow barn and the pig woke us all out of a sound sleep and Sean was able to put the fire out and saved our barn and livestock. I was quite impressed, and asked, but how did the pig lose it's leg?? WELL, she exclaimed, A Pig like that, you can't eat him all at once?
Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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Visiting Irishman From UK

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.
His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edithโ€™s multi million dollar home and since the manโ€™s lawyers were a little better he prevailed.
He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases.
On the 2nd day she had to movers come and collect her things.
On the 3rd day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished she went into each and every room and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly the house began to smell. They tried everything cleaning mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even replaced the expensive wool carpeting. NOTHING WORKED.
People stopped coming over to visit. Repairman refused to work in the house. The Maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later even through they had cut their price in half they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell wasโ€ฆ he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house ha been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.
INCLUDING THE CURTAIN RODS.
Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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Visiting Irishman From UK

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Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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Visiting Irishman From UK

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Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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Visiting Irishman From UK

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Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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Visiting Irishman From UK

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Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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Visiting Irishman From UK

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Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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Visiting Irishman From UK

An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal. It seems that a caller dialled 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."

To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line."
Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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Visiting Irishman From UK

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Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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