Visiting Irishman From UK

[tommy.irene]

Hi everyone ..top o the morning to ye..just passing by..though I would call in to see you

[tommy.irene]

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to start farming. He goes to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me 100 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens." "Wow!" the co-op man replies. "You must really be doing well. "Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!"

[lind9650]

Thank you Tommy for your presence here.

You are a ray of sunshine on a dull and dreary day.

Erica

[tommy.irene]

Thankyou..

[tommy.irene]

Johnny's teacher asks, "What
do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer
interested?" 
........."A teacher!" .........said little johnny.

[tommy.irene]

A famous scientist developed a formula to bring statues to life.
He went to a local park to try it out on a statue of Gen. Ulysses Grant.
After application, Gen Grant began to move and soon was completely alive.
The scientist asked, "What's the first thing you'll do, General?"
The general answered while drawing his pistol "I'm going to kill about a million **bleep** pigeons!"

[tommy.irene]

A Scottish soldier in full dress uniform walks into a chemist, and from his sporran pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana. He unfolds this, and reveals a neatly folded square silk handkerchief. He unfolds this to reveal a condom, with several patches. He asks the chemist, 'how much to repair this', The chemist says '6 pence,' he then asks 'how much for a new one', the chemist says '10 pence'. He folds the condom back into the silk and the cotton, and goes outside.
A moment later the chemist hears a great shout, followed by an even greater one. The soldier marches back in and addresses the chemist, with a big satisfied grin on his face. 'The regiment has taken a vote, we'll have a new one.'

[lloydslights]

Just had to be a Scottish regiment, .... the scots are so tight they were probably shooting blanks anyway 

(It's ok, I have  a Robbie Burns in the ancestry)

DEB

[tommy.irene]

3 days ago I got a pass-code lock that takes a picture whenever someone enters the wrong code to look in my phone.
So far I have 26 pictures of drunk me.

[tommy.irene]

Have you got any kittens going cheap?” Asked a customer in a pet shop.
“No, sir,” replied the owner. “All our kittens go “Meow.”

[tommy.irene]

One day a rich famous man went to buy a sport car from a dealership. The price of the car was $80000 and the man had only $79998 to pay.
The sales associate insisted that the price is firm and it has to be $80000.
The man came out of the store and looked around and saw a poor man begging for help. He went toward him and introduced himself and asked if he is kind enough to lend him $2. The poor man asked the reason. He replied that he is willing to buy a car. The poor man though for a moment and gave the man $4 and said: Please buy one for me too.